Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 63195 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 316(@200wpm)___ 253(@250wpm)___ 211(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 63195 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 316(@200wpm)___ 253(@250wpm)___ 211(@300wpm)
I close my eyes as I hear the door open. For a moment I think I should pretend to be asleep, but I don’t want any more lies in our relationship. Whatever our relationship even is now.
“I thought you were going to sleep on the sofa?” I ask him and then hold my breath. I should want him to leave. That’s what a sane woman who’s getting a divorce should want. But there isn’t an ounce of me that wants to see him walk out that door.
“I was going to,” Evan answers and then slips his shirt off over his head. He keeps his eyes on me, daring me to say something, but my eyes focus on his broad chest.
In six years his body has changed, as has mine. But he’s still lean and muscular. My body heats and my thighs clench, but I play it off, turning my back to him to lie on my left shoulder.
“Is this all right?” he asks me, his voice carrying through the dark night and cutting me down to my deepest insecurity. It’s not all right and nothing about this situation is, but those aren’t the words that come out of my mouth.
My eyes squeeze shut tight and I give in to what I want, slowly moving my body toward his. Wouldn’t it be a lie to deny it?
“I’m afraid I’ll like it too much if you stay,” I finally answer with my eyes closed as the bed dips. I stay perfectly still as I lay out the bare truth. “I’m afraid I’ll forgive you and I’ll forget why we shouldn’t be together.” All the words pour out from deep down in my soul, leaving my lips in a rush.
A rough sound comes from deep in his throat as the comforter pulls just slightly. “You don’t know what you want, Kat,” Evan tells me although the confidence is missing. “You want me to leave because you’re afraid. You won’t fight for me to stay because you know I will regardless of what you say, isn’t that right?”
My brow furrows as I take in his assessment. He scoots closer to me, making the bed shift beneath my still body. When I turn to meet him, still under the covers, his dark gaze stares at me as if I’m his prey and that’s just how I feel. “No. I want you to leave because we’re leading different lives.” I have to second-guess my words.
“Then let’s get back on track. Let’s start over,” he whispers and then leans closer to me. As if testing my boundaries, he rests his hand on the pillow above my head. I don’t push him away, but I don’t move toward him either.
I’m fucked no matter what I do.
I’m empty and hollow. All the sadness and regret has been shed from me, leaving nothing behind but faint memories of what we had and the hint of all the hopes and dreams I had so long ago to make my heart flutter. As I close my eyes and swallow the lump in my throat, Evan lies next to me, gently resting his hand on my hip. He’s silent but I can hear his steady breath and smell a hint of his scent. I inhale deeper. God, what that scent does to me. My head dips further into the pillow as I readjust under the covers and when I do, Evan lifts his hand slightly. Waiting to see which way I’ll turn.
And I turn toward him.
“You make me a foolish woman,” I tell him as my eyes slowly open. His hazel eyes are so clear at this angle. Maybe it’s the moon creeping in from the slit between the curtains.
He smirks at me, although there’s a sadness in his smile as he brushes my hair from my face.
“Tell me you’ll stay with me.”
“Tell me why I should,” I reply instantly and the soft look of longing in his eyes fades away as the soothing motion of his thumb rubbing along my temple falters. My eyes drop to his chest and my heart plummets to the pit of my stomach. “You said you didn’t cheat,” I tell him, but mostly I make a promise to myself. “So I believe you.”
“Thank you,” he says so softly beneath his breath I hardly hear him. His shoulders sag slightly and it makes the bed creak with relief.
I want to say more. I want to make some sort of demand or ultimatum ... or ask why he was there in that hotel lobby in the middle of the night. Why he lied to the world. Why he’s lying to me. But instead I curl into him.
“Don’t leave me,” he says, giving me the request and wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. Closer to his scent, his warmth, to the man I’ve been desperate to be with for so damn long. His heat wraps around me in the most comforting of ways.