Total pages in book: 210
Estimated words: 203847 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1019(@200wpm)___ 815(@250wpm)___ 679(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 203847 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1019(@200wpm)___ 815(@250wpm)___ 679(@300wpm)
I want him to think I have my shit under control. I don’t like to lie to him, but if he doesn’t ask, I won’t tell. And if I don’t mention it, chances are he won’t ask.
“Okay. You’ll have to sleep in the spare room tonight. Nana’s here.”
Oh shit. “Crazy, forgetful Nana?” I groan.
Dad laughs. “She’s as batty as she always was. And she’s mentioned your name at least five times in the last hour.”
“Shit. I should have called,” I sigh, walking into the house.
“I heard that, ya little shit! It’s my mind that’s goin’. Not my hearing!”
I shuffle into the conservatory sheepishly and bend to give the old woman a cuddle. “Hey, Nana. How are you?”
“I’m good, good. Batty as I always was!” She shoots Dad a fondly annoyed look, and he laughs.
“Great. Now why are you sleeping in my bed?” I wink at Mom.
“Because the spare room is shit,” she says matter-of-factly. “The mattress is like a wooden plank.”
“Nice of you to save it for me.”
“If I knew you were coming, I would have waited until next week,” she retorts.
“I’m wishing I’d called ahead.”
“You should have. It would have given me time to get the hell out of here.” She winks at me exaggeratedly, adding a wide-mouthed smile for a good measure.
“I’ll book you a flight now then!” I laugh. “Get packing, old woman.”
She grabs a mint from the pack on the arm of her chair and throws it at me. “Mary, didn’t I teach you to respect your elders? Why didn’t you pass it on to your daughter?”
“I respect you, Nana,” I say innocently. “I just have way more fun fucking with you.”
“Olivia!” Mom gasps over Nana’s loud laughter.
“Well, what your mother didn’t teach you, I sure did.” She winks again. “Oh, Mare, don’t be so strait-laced. I heard you out there swearing at the casserole earlier. What was it you said? ‘Stupid fucking casserole dish being so fucking damn hot!’ Amongst others.”
Mom blushes appropriately. “I went to put it back in the oven without my gloves. It slipped out.”
I give her a pointed look. “Yes, Mom. We all believe it slipped out.” I roll my eyes.
“Speaking of casserole,” Nana says. “Is it ready yet? My stomach is digesting itself.”
“It should be. Come out to the kitchen and we’ll see.” Mom strides out of the room.
I cross the sizable room and help Nana from her chair.
“Thanks, dear.” She pats my arm. “Oh, you should probably know I’m sleeping in your room. The spare bed is fucking terrible.”
I open my mouth to tell her that she’s already told me, but instead, I smile. God love her.
“You look like you have a face slapped with a wet fish,” Nana says. “Have you been salmon fishing?”
“It’s not salmon season, Nana,” I reply. “And I don’t fish.”
“Not salmon season? It flamin’ well is! Bit cold for July though. Hey, Steve. Put the heat on. I’m turning into a snowman.”
I raise an eyebrow at Mom. “July? Nana, it’s March.”
“No, it’s July. I specifically remember arranging my next visit here for July.”
“Mother,” Mom says softly. “You did. We talked about it yesterday. You said you’d come back in July.”
Nana blinks at her. “Oh. Did we?”
Mom nods. “Yes. You said you wanted to come up in salmon season because you wanted fresh salmon.”
Nana tilts her head to the side. “Oh. Oh, all right. That would explain the temperature. Still, get the heat on.”
Dad sniggers and slinks off to turn up the thermostat. The woman is batshit crazy. He comes back a minute later and grabs his tea from the table.
“I’m going into watch television. Lizard Lick Towing is on.”
“He’s obsessed with the show,” Mom explains at my shocked look. “I think he has a crush on that Amy girl. She’s badass, she is.”
My fifty-two-year-old mother should not say badass. Mind you, my eighty-year-old Nana probably shouldn’t swear like a drunken sailor either, but there we go.
“Mother, are you going to shut your eyes for half an hour before your medication?”
“No. I’m not tired. I want to know why my granddaughter looks like her thong is stuck up her ass.”
I jolt. “Nana!”
She waves her hand. “Come on. Talk.”
I chew the inside of my lip. I don’t really want to talk with Nana around. Not because I don’t want her know… No, yeah. It’s because I don’t want her to know.
“I’m not fucking moving, so start talking,” she snaps. “I’m not going to be shocked by anything you have to say. I’ve done it all, honey.”
I raise my eyebrows at Mom. Maybe she should go for that nap…
Mom sighs. “You better let her in on it. She’ll only hound you until you give in.”
“I’m only hounding Steven because he hasn’t given me my fresh salmon yet. Salmon season and no salmon! It’s an abomination.”
Mom puts her hand over her eyes. “He’ll get you some tomorrow, okay? I’ll send him out fishing in the morning and we’ll go to the farmer’s market.”