Total pages in book: 115
Estimated words: 106797 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106797 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Rhodes was opening up to me, and it was such a rare occurrence that I didn’t dare interrupt him with my own words. I held the I’m sorry between my teeth and let him continue.
“She would have been twenty-two. She probably would have had a boyfriend or a fiancé. She always said she wanted to be a lawyer, the kind that are assigned to foster kids, so maybe she would be graduating this year with her bachelor’s. Maybe she’d be applying to law school. Or maybe she’d have a couple of years left before that. I have no fucking idea because I haven’t amounted to a damn thing in my life. I have no concept of school or goals or what it takes to make something of a person.”
I wanted to pipe up then, to tell him he wasn’t worthless, but he shook his head to stop me.
“And I was a complete dick to you today because I don’t know how to handle her being gone,” he said, his eyes finally finding mine. His voice didn’t break, but I saw how cracked he was beneath the baritone. “And I’m sorry. Because you didn’t deserve it. You don’t deserve any of the shit I give you.”
I stood then, wrapping my arms around him and planting small kisses on the exposed skin of his arm. He stiffened at first, not returning my embrace, but then finally, his arms went slack and his forehead fell down to rest on top of mine.
And that’s when I realized.
“If it’s her birthday, that means…”
He nodded against my shoulder bone. “It’s my birthday, too.”
A pang shot through my chest and I held him tighter.
“Every year on this day, I’m reminded that I’m still here and she’s not. I can’t even think of celebrating another year of my life when I can’t be sure when hers stopped. Or if it stopped.” He lifted his head, eyes on mine. “And the worst part is that I may never know which it is.”
“I know,” I whispered, pulling him in closer, just barely touching my forehead to his. “I’m here, Rhodes. I’m right here.”
He breathed in once.
Let the air out.
And then he kissed me.
He leaned back, sitting on the table and pulling me to straddle him. My legs fell on either side of him, my feet resting on the bench seats, my core pressed firmly against him. Rhodes gripped my hips and I fisted my hands in his shirt, returning the urgency, letting him feel the need. He bucked his hips to meet mine and the friction evoked a guttural moan from my lips.
I tried with every kiss to erase the crease in his brow, but I never succeeded. Rhodes kissed me and touched me and brought me to the edge of desire with all of our clothes still intact on a frail, beaten down picnic table, all the while with a pained expression on his face. He touched me as if it hurt. He kissed me as if it were the last time.
And somewhere inside my heart, I felt the demise, too.
Dale apologized to me as I cooked an egg white omelet the next morning. His dark eyes were framed by even darker circles and his black hair fell greasily onto his face. He looked like shit, and in a way, I hoped he felt like it, too.
He wanted to make up for the night before, even though it was really Mom he should be apologizing to, so he asked if he could take me shopping. He’d noticed my clothes were fitting loosely with all the weight I’d lost, and he wanted me to have something perfect to wear to Willow’s party on Saturday. Though I wanted to be mad at him, Mom seemed to already have forgiven him, and I loved him enough to want to be able to do the same.
Plus, I really did want to look good for Willow’s party. It would be the first time Mason and everyone else would see me since the fair, and I was anxious to see their reactions. Nervous, but curious, still. It wasn’t that I wanted Mason back anymore, because I didn’t, but I still wanted him to see that I was doing it, I was changing my lifestyle — for me, not for him.
Realizing her party was so near, I invited Willow to tag along with us. I missed my best friend, and soon, she’d be far enough away that I wouldn’t be able to cure missing her with just a phone call and a trip to the mall. I wanted to take advantage of it as much as I could.
“I can’t believe you waited until now to tell me all of this!” Willow whisper-yelled at me in the dressing room of a chic little dress boutique. I’d just filled her in on the Rhodes situation that had developed quickly in her absence, and she was pretty much losing her mind. “I mean honestly,” she added, pulling her small breasts to rest higher in the bright pink dress she was trying on. “This is insane. You. And Rhodes. Do you hear how weird that sounds?” She paused. “Does he even have a first name? I only know him as Rhodes.”