Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 58003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 290(@200wpm)___ 232(@250wpm)___ 193(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 290(@200wpm)___ 232(@250wpm)___ 193(@300wpm)
“Sure, I guess. I mean… you won’t be coming out to any gay bars as my wingman, but we can still go to the gym together and hang out here.” The corner of Jude’s mouth lifted in an encouraging smile.
The thought of Jude out in gay bars doing God knows what to wipe Shawn from his memory made his stomach lurch with jealousy, but he squashed it down. He didn’t have the right to feel that way when he was the reason things couldn’t work between them. He had to let Jude get on with his life. “Cool,” he managed. “Okay, well… I’d better go and leave you to get on with your work.” He gestured awkwardly at the books and papers. “Good night, then. I’ll, uh, see you around.”
“Sure. Night, Shawn.”
Shawn left without looking back. But when he closed the door behind him, his throat was tight and hot and his eyes prickled with unshed tears. A wave of emotion crashed over him, anger as much as sadness. He headed down the stairs to his room. Blinking back tears, he barged into his room and slammed the door behind himself. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he swore at the empty room.
After throwing himself down on the bed, Shawn punched his pillow a few times. His mum had taught him to do that when he was a little kid with a short fuse. Taking out his aggression on an innocent pillow was preferable to hitting his older brother. When his arm started to ache, he lay on his back with his pillow hugged tight against his chest and glared at the ceiling.
He was furious with himself for not having the balls to do what Jude asked of him. But he was also furious with Jude for putting him on the spot and making him choose. Would it have killed him to have cut Shawn a little slack? Given him a little time to work through things before demanding that he came out?
Shawn wasn’t even sure what was holding him back. His family would probably be okay. Shocked maybe, but they weren’t the sort to disown him or be really shitty about it. Some of his old mates would take the piss, but they could fuck off. If Shawn did decide to tell people, he knew he’d be able to weather the storm.
But it was up to him to choose when. He resented the way Jude had made it sound like an ultimatum. All or nothing. Now or never.
Ugh.
He pulled the pillow over his face and sighed.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Jude stared at the back of his bedroom door after Shawn’s exit.
Well, that was a fucking disaster.
He flopped back on his pillows and ran his hands through his hair, tugging on the curls so hard it hurt.
Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything. By pushing for more too soon, he’d fucked it all up. But damn, it had made him feel crap when he’d heard Shawn talking to Dev and denying everything between them. He couldn’t handle that. And how would it work anyway if they tried to keep it secret? His housemates weren’t stupid. Dev was already suspicious. They’d get caught out eventually if they tried to sneak around behind the guys’ backs. It was better to have it out in the open.
Except now there was nothing to be open about. Perhaps if he’d given Shawn more time, things would have been different.
“Fucking idiot,” he muttered, not entirely sure whether he was referring to himself or Shawn.
Maybe it applied to both of them.
Jude was amazed at how easy it was to avoid each other for the next few days. Not that he was consciously trying to stay out of Shawn’s way, but as he was feeling pretty miserable about everything, he preferred hanging out in his room alone rather than dragging everyone down with his shitty mood.
When Jez and Mac tried to get him to play video games with them, he claimed assignment deadlines, which wasn’t a complete lie, and stayed in his room putting some half-hearted effort into his uni work, in between playing games online as a distraction.
On Wednesday night he did his cam show at the usual time. He didn’t say anything on Twitter beforehand, other than the usual announcement to remind his fans. But as soon as he was live, the questions started pinging into chat.
Where’s ur mate?
No Chris tonight?
What happened to your str8 friend?
“Yeah, I’m afraid Chris can’t make it today.” That was all the explanation he gave.
The questions kept coming.
Why?
Sorry mate. Did he find a new girl?
Will he be back?
Jude ignored them. “Sorry, guys, but I’m afraid you’ll have to make do with me solo again. But I’ve got my dildo for company, so if you’re feeling generous, you might get to see some arse-fucking action later.”
That distracted most of them.