Total pages in book: 34
Estimated words: 30353 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 152(@200wpm)___ 121(@250wpm)___ 101(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 30353 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 152(@200wpm)___ 121(@250wpm)___ 101(@300wpm)
Felix smiled at me, making his dark eyes glisten. “I’m sorry that you didn’t have anyone to help you through it, but I think you are very strong, and I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you,” I whispered as my cheeks heated once again.
“So, have you ever dated anyone?” Enzo asked, making them warm even more.
I was embarrassed to admit, “No. Like I said, growing up, I was figuring things out, plus I wasn’t in one place long enough to make a connection with anyone. Now as an adult, I spend all of my time either at work or at home.” The dating pool was pretty dry when I lived with people I couldn’t be myself around, and at work, I was in the kitchen smelling like fish grease.
“So let me get this straight,” Enzo added slowly. “You’ve never…been with a man?” I gulped hard and shook my head no. “Oh mercy.” He put his hand on his chest and looked up at the sky. “I’m going to need a minute.”
I was afraid he was disappointed in my lack of experience and wouldn’t want to spend time with me anymore, so I added, “But I want to! I think about it a lot, and I have really vivid dreams. I know what to do, I just haven’t done it yet.” That didn’t seem to help Enzo, as he took deep breaths through pursed lips.
Luckily, Felix touched my cheek and gently turned my head to look at him, and told me, "Trust me, sweet baby, he's not upset." I wasn't sure what he meant, but I was still glad to hear it.
I continued, back on track, “Anyway, you asked about the baby stuff.” Felix nodded and continued to stroke my cheek, giving me the courage and comfort to say, “Like I said, I lost everyone when I was young. Growing up, I was alone. I missed my parents and grandma so much, and I also missed the feeling I had when they were around.”
“I yearned for that feeling of security and peace. At nights, I started wrapping myself up tight in my blankets, almost like swaddling, and would get a sliver of that feeling. I thought the need would go away as I got older, but over time, I needed more.”
“At first, I thought there was something wrong with me; why did a teenager, and then a young adult crave things like pacifiers or stuffed animals? So one day, I went to the library and did some research, trying to figure out the name of whatever mental illness I had.”
“Oh, Ant, no,” Enzo sighed, finally snapping out of his stupor.
“But instead, I found a whole world that I didn’t know existed; I read about men and women who liked pacis and wearing diapers or cuddling toys. I learned that it was a lifestyle, not a disease. It made me feel a little less alone for a while, but it was only through a computer screen. I didn’t have anyone to share my thoughts or feelings with; I was too afraid that if I told anyone, they would laugh at me or even hurt me.”
Felix gave me a warm, sad smile. “Ant, there’s nothing wrong with your likes or needs. Like you said, it’s a lifestyle, and people live it for many different reasons. Some people like age play because it allows them to escape the stress of adulthood, while others just want to play and have fun. There’s no wrong reason to be drawn to it.”
“But…what if I’m not drawn to all of it?” I asked, hoping I didn’t offend either of them. Felix scrunched his eyebrows in question and I added, “I don’t think I’m interested in trying diapers. I think it’s great if people like it, but I don’t think I would. Is that wrong?”
“No,” Felix answered sweetly. “You know your needs better than anyone else. That’s why communication is so important between a little and their caregiver.” A little. The word alone sent an excited shiver down my spine. I never thought I’d actually hear it in person.
Enzo reached across and put his hand on my other cheek, turning my attention away from his brother and onto his handsome, smiling face. “Whatever you need, and for whatever reason you need it is perfect.”
“What are your reasons for being Daddies?”
Enzo thought for a moment before answering, "In most cases, we're not the most nurturing people; we joke, cuss, and bicker. But when we are in a caregiving role, it brings out the best in us. We find purpose in filling the needs of someone who needs us, and when they're happy, it allows us to find our own happiness."
His answer was sweet, but it brought up another question. "Have you taken care of many littles?" My throat burned with jealousy as I spoke about the possibility, though it made no sense. I had no claim to these guys, or any reason to believe they wanted that with me. As far as I knew, they were just being kind.