Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 91961 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91961 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
I nod.
“Is it about the puppy play?”
“Sort of. And, at the same time…no.”
“Did someone hurt you?” There’s aggression in his tone. As though, if someone did hurt me, he would hunt them down and kick their asses. “You know, sometimes I worry when guys get into this stuff and then disappear for a bit. They can accidentally wind up trusting the wrong person, and—”
The tightness in his jaw and the way his biceps tense up, I have a feeling he’s got some history with that.
“No, no. Nothing like that,” I spit out because I don’t like whatever I’ve stirred within him, don’t want him to be concerned about me.
“I actually hurt someone else,” I confess.
His brows pull together. “And how did you hurt this person?”
“They were being a really good friend and helping me with figuring all this out.”
“Frankie? Is this who you’re talking about?”
I feel bad, especially about outing him, but Z isn’t the sort to go around gossiping about it. That’s one of the reasons I trusted him enough to go try out the puppy-play stuff that night to begin with.
“Yes,” I say. “At first, he helped me with the puppy-play training because he knew it was something I was interested in. It was fun, and we had such a good time, and then I feel like it sort of helped us both see these other sides of each other, these sides that have always been there, but it turned into something else. Now we’re seeing each other…as boyfriends. Well, I should say were seeing each other. Who knows after what happened earlier?”
“And then you hurt him?” Z asks. “What did you do? Considering how you’re falling apart right now, I can’t imagine it was anything intentional.”
“No. I would never,” I reply quickly, not wanting Z to think that I would ever do anything to purposefully harm Frankie. “After work, I went back to our condo, and I was having a bad day, so I just sort of hopped right into my puppy space. Got dressed in my puppy gear and started playing with my toy. It’s actually the first time I’d ever just done it totally on my own like that, but it was nice, and just what I needed. I guess I got kind of lost in it, and before I knew it, the door opened, and Frankie walked in with his mom.”
“Oh, wow.”
“Yeah, right? So there I was, pretty much naked. I mean, she might as well have walked in on me hanging in a sling. She freaked out, and Frankie shouted at me to go before they headed off. He sounded really angry. I don’t know if he’s going to be able to forgive me for this.”
“What do you mean…forgive you?”
“He’s very close to his mom, and I know from things we’ve talked about that he just wants her to be proud of him…to not let her down. When I came out to my parents, they were really religious and so caught up in thinking it was wrong for me to be gay, that they were really shitty about it, and now they won’t have anything to do with me. I know what it’s like to have your parents give up on you. I’ve seen how he and his mom are with each other, how much she loves him. And the idea that she might not want to be a part of his life because I’m into this thing that she thinks is weird…that scares me.”
Z nods. “Ev, it’s sweet that you’re thinking like that about Frankie, and I know it’s because you care about him.” He takes a deep breath, his gaze drifting off. “Let me tell you a little story. When I came out to my parents, they were very religious, and like yours, they freaked out a little bit. They said they thought it was wrong and that God didn’t want it. They didn’t respond well. But then, after they calmed down, they said that they loved me and they would be there for me if that’s what made me happy. A good parent doesn’t disown their child over being who they are. So, do you really think Frankie’s mom would be like that? Do you think she would just kick him to the curb?”
Hearing Z say that assures me of what, deep down, I already know. “No, she wouldn’t. She might think it’s weird and judge him.”
“That’s how my parents were, and it took us a long time to get to a place where they’re more comfortable with it, and they’ve made peace with their beliefs and with who I am, but that’s a very different thing than what you experienced with your parents, who weren’t even trying to understand where you were coming from. Don’t you think, considering she’s already embraced her son being gay, that she’d find a way to embrace this?”