Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 79553 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 398(@200wpm)___ 318(@250wpm)___ 265(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79553 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 398(@200wpm)___ 318(@250wpm)___ 265(@300wpm)
“Kendall,” Declan says softly, snapping me from my thoughts. “What do you mean you’re not sure?” Huh? Oh, right! He asked me if I’m sure I want to get married, and I blurted out the truth instead of lying like I’ve been doing to everyone, including myself.
“I…” I almost lie, tell him I didn’t mean it like that, but something inside urges me to be honest. I can trust him. He’s not just Camden’s best friend. He’s mine too. We’ve written a beautiful, intimate song together, and that doesn’t happen unless you’re close.
“I think something is wrong with me.”
His brows kiss his forehead. “What’s wrong? Is it your head? Are you having headaches?” His eyes skate over my face and body, assessing my features.
“No, I’m okay. I mean, I still have occasional headaches, but I was checked out yesterday by the neurologist, and everything came back clean.”
He sighs in relief, and my heart clenches. I know we’re only friends, but is it possible he’s feeling the way I am? Like there’s something more between us, something I’m terrified to explore, both as Camden’s sister and Kyle’s fiancée?
“What’s wrong?” Declan asks, moving a stray hair out of my eyes and tucking it behind my ear. My body acts of its own accord, shuddering in response. When Declan sees, the corner of his lips tugs into a sexy smirk, forcing my legs to tighten. I haven’t once felt turned on since I got out of the hospital. I even told Kyle I wanted to wait until our wedding night to be together, hoping by then whatever is broken in me would be fixed, but sitting here with Declan, it’s clear I’m not as broken as I thought.
“I… I feel different. Kyle has been so sweet and attentive since I woke up, but I can’t conjure up any feelings for him. I must’ve cared for him enough to be engaged to him, but I… I don’t feel it. When I look at him, I feel nothing.”
“Then why are you marrying him?” His question comes out thoughtful and not at all judgmental.
“I spoke to the doctor about it, and he said what I’m feeling isn’t uncommon. With memories come emotions, and I can’t remember almost half of the time we’ve been together.”
“Maybe you’re feeling that way for a reason. Like something happened, and you can’t remember.” His statement is one I’ve thought about many times, but asking Kyle would raise a red flag, and I wouldn’t even know if he’s lying or telling the truth.
Before I can answer, my phone buzzes on the table, Kyle’s name flashing on the screen. I’ve been avoiding him all day, so I should probably answer, but as I stare at the screen, I can’t bring myself to do it. It stops and then starts up again, and I inwardly sigh, knowing I need to answer. He could be worried about me.
“I need to take this,” I tell Declan, who nods. “Hey.”
“You okay? I’ve called you a few times.”
“Yeah, sorry. I’m in the studio writing. Phone’s on silent.”
“By yourself?”
“No.” I clear my throat. “Declan’s with me.”
There’s silence on the other end, and then Kyle says, “When will you be home?”
“I’m not sure. Did we have plans?” I know we didn’t, but I’m not sure why he’s asking.
“No, we haven’t had plans since you woke up,” he snaps, then sighs into the phone. “I’m sorry. I just miss you. I feel like I never see you. Your mom said the bachelorette party ended a while ago.”
I should apologize, tell him I’ll come over or offer for him to come over. Make plans for tomorrow since I don’t have any. But as I glance at Declan, the only thing I want to do is hang up and write music… with him. So instead of saying what I should say and doing what I should do, I say, “I’m sorry. I’m really tired and wouldn’t be good company.”
“So what? I’m not going to see you until at the wedding?”
“You’ll see me at the rehearsal dinner. Besides, it’s bad luck to spend the night together before the wedding.”
Kyle releases a harsh breath, and I wince, hating myself for what I’m doing to him, but I don’t know how to fix this.
“All right, well, I guess I’ll stay at work. I need to get ahead anyway since we’ll be gone for a week on our honeymoon.”
I don’t realize how tense I am until I sag in relief. “Okay, sounds good.”
“Text me when you get home, so I know you’re okay.”
“Will do.”
There’s a brief pause, like Kyle wants to say something, but instead, he sighs and says, “I love you, Kendall.”
He’s said those three words a few times since I woke up, but I’ve yet to say them back. I already feel like the worst person ever for living this lie, for being on the fence and not telling him how I really feel, that I can’t bring myself to say it back. The truth is, as far as I can remember, I’ve never said those three words to any man, including Kyle. Maybe I said them during the six weeks I’ve lost, but I just can’t bring myself to say them now. Not when I don’t feel them.