Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 76204 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 381(@200wpm)___ 305(@250wpm)___ 254(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76204 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 381(@200wpm)___ 305(@250wpm)___ 254(@300wpm)
“You can’t just say something like that and think it will all be better. That’s confusing, Will. Please.”
Running a hand down my face, I released a breath. “I’m not allowed to tell you what I want from you. It’s part of the agreement. After everything that has happened—” I stopped, debating if I should tell her the truth.
“Will?”
“I don’t want you to go.” I looked at her. “It’s your life and I get that and I respect it. Of course, I do, but that doesn’t mean … I don’t want you to leave me, to leave us. I know there’s a wonderful world out there and you can do whatever the hell you want and part of me wants you to go and do that away from all this bullshit, but at the same time…” I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t finish.
“It would mean I’d leave you and you don’t want me to.”
With my lips pressed together, I nodded.
Silence. I hated fucking silence.
“Sian, I … I love you.” I looked her in the eye as I said it. I wasn’t going to give her this giant ball of guilt and then not tell her my reasons for it. She deserved to know the truth.
“Will?” Her voice was a soft whisper.
I held my hands up, and I hated it because it meant letting her go. “Look, I get it, okay. We’re a foursome. We come together, and we’ve got a shitload of baggage with us. I can’t speak for the other guys. If you go, I know I can’t follow you, but … know that everywhere you go, whatever you do, I will love you for the rest of my life.” I looked her in the eye and saw tears were glistening inside them. “Don’t. Don’t cry.”
“How can I not when you just said that to me?”
I cupped her cheek. “You needed to know how I felt.”
“How can you love me?” she asked.
“Have you met you?”
“I’m…”
So she didn’t say anything to spoil the moment, I kissed her. I’d never told another woman how I felt. I never felt love. Sian wasn’t like anyone else. I didn’t want her to be. I loved her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, making babies, enjoying a life with a long future ahead. I didn’t understand how the others could for a second think of a life without her. Allowing her to leave us. There was no logic in that. We weren’t perfect, I got that, but I knew we were a lot better than the Alexanders of this world. We wouldn’t hurt Sian. Not intentionally, anyway.
Breaking the kiss, Sian worked her arms around my neck. Her eyes were closed and then she slowly opened them when she looked at me.
“Where you go, I want to go,” I said. Screw The Society and everything else related to it. I didn’t care what I had to do to prove to Sian, I would.
There was just no future without her, not for me.
“Will, I don’t think that’s possible.”
I rested my hands at her back, staring into her eyes. Her brows were drawn together in a frown as she nibbled on her lip.
“Why? Don’t you want me? Us? All of us?” I asked.
“I … I don’t know. I … this is all so much.”
Well, she hadn’t declared her undying love for me, but she also hadn’t told me she hated me and couldn’t wait to leave. As far as I was concerned, we were making progress. Slow, but we were.
I waited.
Patience was never one of my strong points, but it would seem when it came to Sian, I was willing to take whatever I could get.
“The thought of leaving makes me feel sick. Like there’s this hole.” She touched her chest. “And I look at the door and I think about leaving. Just forgetting my mom, dad, The Society, and that school, and I feel free. But every time I think of leaving you or the others, and I can’t seem to move. It’s like I’m frozen in place and I can’t go anywhere.” She touched my cheek. “I don’t know if I’m in love with you, William. I don’t know what love really is. I don’t feel the same way about you that I did with Drew.”
“That’s good. She was your nanny and a woman, not that it’s a problem. I didn’t mind if you dug Heather.”
This made her laugh, and I wanted to make her smile. Within a few seconds, she’d taken my heart and nearly crushed it, and was slowly stitching it back together now. Did she even realize what she was doing to me? How she made me feel?
“It’s a good thing. I don’t want to leave you, Will. I don’t want to leave any of you and it scares me because I don’t know if I can be everything you need me to be. I look at your dads and I see how sad they are. I want you guys, no one else. There’s no way I want to be passed over.”