Total pages in book: 204
Estimated words: 193115 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 966(@200wpm)___ 772(@250wpm)___ 644(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 193115 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 966(@200wpm)___ 772(@250wpm)___ 644(@300wpm)
And I know.
I just fucking know.
Dread builds with every step I take, my pace gaining as I go, and when I reach the bottom of the staircase to the communal room, I peer up, seeing the doors open. Rosa appears, looking stricken with worry.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Ward,” she mumbles as she rushes past my static form. I take in air and climb the stairs, feeling heavy and despondent, and when I breach the entrance, I find her standing stock-still in the center of the room, silent, gazing around. As if I need to remind myself what surrounds us, I look too. Ropes. Suspension grids. Every piece of bondage gear imaginable, and also some she probably could never imagine. She looks so wrong in here. So out of place, and for the first time in my adult life, I feel out of place too. I don’t want to be in here.
“Fucking hell,” she says quietly, and I swallow hard.
“Watch your mouth.” It’s all that comes to me. All I’m capable of as I stand here staring at the back of the woman I love, wondering how many moments I have left in her presence. Any peace I’ve had will be taken away . . . because I’m gutless. This woman deserved truth, not omissions. How can we possibly come back from this?
She flies around fast, and the look on her face is like a knife to my heart. She doesn’t speak, just stares at me as I stare back. I can see her mind spinning. She’s going over every detail of her time with me, piecing it all together, bringing her to this reality. Bringing her to now.
Sam crashes into the room, and I look past him to find Kate looking awkward on the sidelines.
“Oh, fucking hell,” he says over a sigh. Yes, fucking hell. “I thought I told you to stay put,” he barks at Kate. “Damn you, woman.”
“I think we need to go.” Kate claims Sam and leaves us alone, her face grave.
“Thank you.” I only just manage to push the words past my thick tongue, my body getting tighter by the second, tension mounting. Sam shakes his head at me, his expression also sombre. He doesn’t need to tell me I’ve royally fucked this up.
My lip gets a punishing chew as I stand, frantically searching for a way forward. A way to a happy outcome. I take my eyes away from her, unable to face her shock. “Ava, why didn’t you wait at home for me?” I ask.
“You wanted me to come.” Her voice isn’t raised, but it’s on its way.
“Not like this.”
“I sent you a text. I told you I was on my way.”
“Ava, I haven’t received a text from you.”
“Where’s your phone?” she asks, looking at my pockets. I’m about to feel at them myself, but I remember . . .
“It’s in my office.”
“Is this what you wanted to talk about?” she asks, and I look up at her, facing her. I see her swallow. I see her eyes awash with devastation. I’ve imagined—or dreaded—how this might play out, but her face now? Nothing could have prepared me for this. I’m at a loss. I want to go to her, hold her, make our problem disappear. Make her forget her reality and leave only space to feel how fucking good we are together.
“It was time you knew.”
She balks. “No, it was time for me to know a long time ago, Jesse.” Her body is starting to shake as it turns, and she takes in our surroundings again. “Fuck.”
I flinch. It’s a natural reaction. “Watch your mouth, Ava,” I say gently.
She spins back around, glaring at me with something close to hatred in her eyes. It’s a killer, even if I know she doesn’t really hate me. She can’t hate me. She can’t love me one second and then hate me the next. “Don’t you dare.” She starts rubbing at her forehead, her eyes closed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”
Jesus, the language. It’s unnecessary, and not even my fear in this moment can make me disregard it. “Watch—”
“Don’t!” Her jaw tenses to a point it could snap. “Jesse, don’t you dare tell me to watch my mouth. Look!” She indicates the room, a room I’m all too familiar with. And for the first time in my life, I wish I’d never stepped foot in here. In The Manor. My sanctuary is fast becoming my ruin.
“I see it, Ava.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
I only have the truth, and it’s what she deserves. “I thought you would have grasped The Manor’s operations on our first meeting, Ava,” I say, my mind giving me a swift flashback of her face on our first encounter. The words she said to me that completely knocked me sideways, more than she already had with nothing but her beauty and clear inability to deal with my presence. You have a lovely hotel. “When it became obvious that you hadn’t, it just got harder and harder to tell you.” And now I’m here, standing before her wondering with increasing concern if this is fixable.