Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
I shook my head. I’d forgiven her hours later. Nothing she could do would ever be unforgivable in my eyes. “I love her in a way that you’d never be able to understand,” I told him quietly.
He nodded. “I know.” A sigh slipped from his lips. “Fuck, man, just make shit right between you two when she gets better, yeah? She needs you.”
I shook my head. “She needs to learn to be strong on her own, no matter how much it fucking kills me to leave her be,” I told him. “I messed up in the beginning by forcing myself on her, forcing her to open up and let me in. She needs to be strong without any of us to use as a crutch.”
“Just go see her if you get the opportunity?” he asked.
I nodded. I wouldn’t ever pass that up.
But now knowing what was going on, knowing how much she was hurting? It fucked with me.
No matter what, Meghan would always be my goddess.
But sometimes, even goddesses break.
Meghan, baby girl, I’m so sorry.
18
Meghan
* * *
I tightened my sweater around my body as I walked through the small garden in the back. Dr. Gresham strolled along with me. “Let’s talk about your childhood, Meghan. How was it?”
I shrugged. “I survived,” I mumbled, not particularly wanting to talk about what happened while I was growing up. That was sure to make me lose my damn mind.
“How was your mother?” Dr. Gresham asked me.
“Barely there,” I spit, the thought of my mother making disgust and hatred crawl through my veins. “She was always too high and drunk to take care of me. I just kind of figured it out for myself.”
“And your father?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I told him honestly. “He was never around; I never met him. I have no idea who he is, and I doubt my mother knows, either,” I said with a shrug. Not knowing my father had never bothered me. If he was shitty enough to lay up with my mom, I was better off.
“Do you think your childhood has anything to do with why you always pull away from people when they try to help you?”
I bristled. “My upbringing has nothing to do with why I am who I am.”
“It has everything to do with the person you are today, Meghan. You’re hell-bent on protecting yourself. You’re so lost in the need to keep yourself from being hurt and abandoned that you push away every single person that wants to lend you a helping hand. I sense it every time we meet up for your therapy sessions.”
“I don’t need help,” I snarled through gritted teeth.
Dr. Gresham came to a stop, and he turned to face me, his dark eyes intent on my guarded features. “Contrary to what you believe, Meghan, you need a lot of help. And I’m not releasing you from this facility until you get that help.” I gritted my teeth, trying to keep myself from crying. He shook his head at me when he saw me holding back what I was feeling. “No, Meghan, let it out. You need to work on expressing your emotions more. Let people know how you really feel. Not everyone is out to hurt you.”
I tightened my arms around my midsection as a tear slipped down my cheek. “I hate it here,” I choked out.
Dr. Gresham placed a hand on my upper back and led me over to a bench. We took a seat, and I dropped my face into my hands, sobs shaking my shoulders. “She ruined my life,” I whispered. “I hate her so, so much.”
“Your mother, yes?” my doctor asked me.
“Yes.” Wasn’t he following? I leaned up and swiped at my cheeks. “She let these men she brought home do whatever they wanted so long as she got her next fix.” I drew in a deep, shaky breath. “I was mean. I had to be. It was the only way for a little kid like me to protect myself. I threw stuff at them, scratched and bit when they grabbed me.”
“You had to survive,” Dr Gresham said simply.
I nodded as I drew my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. “She tried to kill me once,” I whispered, my voice barely carrying between us as I stared at the rose bush in front of me. The leaves were dead. It was just stems and thorns.
It perfectly resembled how I felt at that moment.
“Let’s talk about that,” Dr. Gresham said.
I squeezed my eyes shut. “There was a new guy she was buying from. She didn’t have cash, so she offered me to him.” My bottom lip trembled. “The guy took the exchange, and he took me home to his place.” A tear slipped down my cheek. “He fed me, gave me clean clothes, and a warm bed to sleep in.” I swiped at my cheek. “She hated me so much that when she saw me again, saw that I was actually being taken care of, she returned the money and took me back home.”