Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 91504 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 458(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91504 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 458(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
I take a deep breath and nod, slipping on my mask of professionalism. “Great. Send him in.”
Gabriel steps into my office. Today he offers a curt nod instead of his usual playful-type greeting. Tension lines are etched into his forehead, creases scored between his eyes, and his crow’s feet have deepened. He’s been squinting or frowning a lot lately.
I extend a hand toward the couch and offer a measured smile, coupled with a practiced greeting. “Hello. It’s good to see you.”
He takes a seat and still doesn’t say anything. Now that we’re only a few feet apart, I think I might’ve mistaken stress lines for worried ones. He looks like his dog got run over by a car. But I don’t comment on a patient’s appearance.
I cross my legs, one over the other. Gabriel’s eyes stay trained down as he drags a hand through his hair.
“How are you doing this week?” I ask.
“Not great.” He sighs.
“Oh? I’m sorry to hear that. Tell me what’s going on.”
“I went on a date. It didn’t go well.”
Jealousy rises up, thick and fast. It heats my cheeks, and I hope Gabriel doesn’t notice. “What happened?”
He stares off out the window. “I took her out to dinner. We had a nice time. She invited me back to her place.”
“Okay…”
His lips curl. “I couldn’t… you know.”
“You mean physically?”
“Yeah, I mean physically. Do I have to spell it out? Do you need me to say I couldn’t get my dick hard?”
I blink a few times. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I wasn’t sure if you meant you couldn’t go through with it mentally or physically. We’ve talked a lot about the pent-up guilt you have, so I thought perhaps…”
He blows out two cheeks full of air and hangs his head. “I’m sorry. That was rude. I’m just frustrated. And talking about it is embarrass-ing.”
“Okay. I understand. But why don’t we back things up a bit? Because while this may have manifested itself as a physical problem, this type of issue often stems from anxiety and stress. Our minds are almost always in control of our bodies. How about you tell me about the woman you went out with? Is she someone you’ve known for a while or someone you’ve recently met?”
“Recently met.”
“How did you meet?”
“Dating app.”
My lips flatten to a grim line. “What does she look like?”
He lifts his head up to face me and squints. “Why does that matter?”
Shit. It doesn’t. Other than to feed my morbid curiosity. I can’t help but wonder about all the little blondes he flitted around with at different restaurants. It makes me wonder if all those women were dates, too.
Thankfully, I’ve grown adept at covering my missteps. “Perhaps she resembled your wife and it brought up a lot of mixed emotions.”
“I don’t think it has anything to do with her.” His eyes bounce back and forth between mine for a long time, like he’s contemplating something, then come into focus and lock with my gaze. “There’s another woman.”
It hits like a blow, a gut punch to a soft belly when you’re least ex-pecting it.
I swallow. “Go on…”
Gabriel rakes a hand through his hair once again. “I’m consumed by her. I can’t stop thinking about her. The only time I seem to be able to, you know, get hard is when I think about her.”
My heart has been racing since Gabriel walked in, but now it feels like it’s trying to batter its way out of my chest. There’s not one woman but two. “Tell me about the other woman. Is this someone you’ve gone out with previously?”
He shakes his head. “She’s off-limits.”
“Is she… a student?”
“No.” His jaw clenches.
I think back to when I was following him, to the woman at the Italian restaurant. The young blonde with the boisterous laugh. Is it her? Or maybe it’s the woman he sometimes walks between buildings with after class? Another blonde. That one is older. Is a work colleague off-limits? Maybe she’s his chairperson? That would make things sticky…
“Have you had these feelings for the other woman for a while?”
He looks away, seeming lost in thought, then meets my eyes. “Why is sex so much better when you have it with someone you shouldn’t?”
“I suppose it’s the forbidden-fruit effect. It’s a thrill to think about being in a sexual or romantic relationship with someone we’re not allowed to have. It heightens all of the senses. For some people, though, thoughts of being with someone—even someone as taboo as a priest or your boss’s spouse—also provides a sense of safety.”
“Or maybe…” Gabriel swallows. “Your doctor.”
The air ignites, crackling dangerously around us.
I grip the armrest of my chair. “The safety comes in because while you can fantasize about the off-limits person, the reality is that it can’t ever happen. If we fantasize about a person who is attainable, it’s not as safe, since the reality of it is an actual possibility.”