Total pages in book: 17
Estimated words: 15430 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 77(@200wpm)___ 62(@250wpm)___ 51(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 15430 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 77(@200wpm)___ 62(@250wpm)___ 51(@300wpm)
“So, the husband was doing what exactly in the chicken coop?” Snow fidgeted a little under the cape.
“He was sitting in the corner, completely nude, with one of the chickens on his lap.”
Horrified, B’s mouth fell open.
Jude, catching his expression, guffawed. “He wasn’t doing anything with the chickens. No, that wasn’t the strange part, thank goodness.”
“There’s something more strange than being naked in a backyard chicken coop?” B asked.
“He’s weaving in place and we’re worried he really hurt himself, so Rebecca and I go into the coop. There are chickens running around our feet, and Rebecca’s gagging after stepping in something wet. We try to approach him, and he suddenly jumps up and takes off. He barrels past us, still carrying the chicken, and sprints through the backyard and out onto the street. Everything is just flapping in the breeze.”
B, biting his lip to keep from cracking up, leaned down to check the balance of Snow’s hairline. He lost the fight, chuckling at the idea of a naked man running with a chicken.
Jude continued. “So, we give chase and the whole time this guy is running, he’s zigzagging back and forth from the sidewalk to the street. At this point, we’re worried something is really wrong with him and also worried he’s going to get hit by a car. Then we lose sight of him when he disappears into the trees lining the neighborhood. Neither of us had thought to grab a flashlight, so we’re stumbling around in the dark. Rebecca’s complaining that we need backup. I don’t want to call a patrol car in since the guy doesn’t seem dangerous to anyone but himself. That’s when I got this.” Jude pointed to his cheek. “Tree branches can be brutal.”
“Ouch,” B sympathized. He picked up his hair dryer and blew the snipped hairs from Snow’s neck. When he turned it off, Jude went on with his story.
“He got away from us. We explored that small stretch of woods for a long time before we realized he’d moved on. At this point, I have to admit Rebecca is right. We need more help. But before we call the cops, something tells me to check the neighborhood playground we’d passed on the way in. We found him there on his hands and knees.” He stopped for a moment, watching Cynthia rub lotion into his hands and forearms. “Pecking at the ground. The chicken happily pecking beside him.”
B paused, clippers in the air. “He thought he was a chicken?”
Jude nodded slowly. “We approach him slowly and that’s when he vomits all over the place. Now, we hadn’t seen any head wounds—not that we’d gotten the chance to get close enough—but that vomit reeked of alcohol. At this point, I’m thinking the guy is just really, really wasted. My cheek is throbbing like crazy and he’s still naked, pecking on the ground.”
“After he vomited?” Snow curled a lip.
B gagged.
“He’d moved away from that section,” Jude assured them.
Both B and Snow breathed sighs of relief.
“We get on the ground with him and try to talk to him. Instead of talking back, he crows like a rooster. And not just once. It’s so damn loud, porch lights come on in the houses around us. Soon, people are wandering outside.”
Though B felt bad for the guy, he couldn’t help but laugh over him crowing naked in a neighborhood playground.
“I knew something was really wrong with the guy, and he wouldn’t want his neighbors to see him like this, so Rebecca and I were happy when his wife showed up with a robe. We managed to get the robe on him and talked him into coming back to the ambulance. The whole time we drove him to the hospital, he continued to do his rooster calls. I didn’t find any wounds on his head, only a light assortment of scrapes and cuts from running naked through the woods and handling the chicken. I’m thinking he was just wasted out of his mind.”
“Sounds like more than a booze problem,” Snow said.
“Yeah, that’s why we went ahead and drove him to UC.”
“Guess he doesn’t like the ‘no roosters’ rule when it comes to city coops,” B quipped. “Maybe he worried he needed to step into that role or something?”
Jude shrugged. “Who knows? I’m thinking of checking in tonight to see what they found. Like I said, from his smell, he’d been putting away the booze. He probably mixed it with something. But that, my friends, is how I got the bruise. Just pure clumsiness on my part. Hopefully it’ll fade in time for the wedding.”
“If not, I can show you how to conceal it with makeup,” B offered as he swept the cape off Snow’s body. “Look good, Snow?”
Snow ran a hand over his hair as he looked in the mirror and nodded. “Yes, perfect. Just the way I like it.”