Total pages in book: 118
Estimated words: 112961 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 377(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112961 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 377(@300wpm)
forty-eight FIZZY
I know Connor is over there. I can feel him watching, like a proud dad in the background rather than the mastermind behind all of this. I want him to wade in, find his way into the middle of this affectionate scrum. Doesn’t he know that the only reason all of this worked so well is because of him? It was his vision. His competent energy and relaxing presence, his hands-on management of the entire crew, and his spot-on casting. Not to mention his hot-as-sin self and the unexpected hit of having him interview us all in the confessional trailer.
But with my emotions at an eleven, and my adrenaline so high it feels like a strobe light inside my veins, maybe now is not the time for Connor to approach. I think Alice is right, and maybe this really will be my last chance to tell him that I love him no matter what the outcome is on Saturday, but I know myself. In my current state of mind, I’ll lose my cool and tell him I know about North Star, and fuck anyone who thinks they get a say in what we do.
Which is exactly why he didn’t tell me in the first place.
But there are two important conversations I realize I do need to have tonight, and both are with the men I won’t be able to contact between now and Saturday. One of them will win, and I suspect it’s going to be Isaac, but if it isn’t, I have to manage Evan’s expectations, too. I’m down for a trip to Fiji with either of them, but in each scenario, I will be sleeping alone.
I’d have every eye in this place tracking me if I head straight for them, so I spend some time talking to everyone. Dax and I make plans to grab dinner—just for fun, he insists, totally platonic—once all of this chaos has settled down. Jude informs me that he understood the Volterra joke and just didn’t find it to be all that funny.
“That’s okay, Judie,” I say with a smile. “There’s no accounting for taste.”
Colby mansplains how he wasn’t actually mansplaining things to me in the kitchen, but after we laugh about it, I sense that being away from the cameras results in a much more relaxed Colby. Everyone has their guesses about who will win, who should win, and whether either of the two remaining men is my true Gold Match.
It’s an unseasonably chilly evening and most everyone is inside, getting drunker and louder and sloppily nostalgic and affectionate. I know I’m breaking the rules by drawing Isaac outside alone onto the patio, but he comes eagerly, with a note of relief in his expression.
“Do you want my jacket?” he asks, motioning to take it off.
I shake my head, zipping up my hoodie. “Thanks, though. I still feel a little flushed and high from the excitement of being crowned World’s Best Auntie overnight.”
“I bet,” he says with a laugh, resting his folded arms on the railing and looking out over the beer garden. “I remember when my little sister had her first baby. I never got babies before, you know?” He looks at me. “Didn’t get what the big deal was. But it’s different when it’s one you’re related to.”
“I’ve always loved kids, but this feeling is next level. It’s wild to have someone so tiny who belongs to me this way. I don’t want to mess it up.”
He laughs. “You won’t.”
We fall quiet and it’s weird being with him all alone. Other than our CVS moment, we’ve never been alone; truthfully, we don’t even know each other that well. Other shows have the contestants living together, spending hours and hours in forced proximity. Some shows even give them privacy to sleep together. I love that this show has been different, love that it relies on personalities and energies in a way that matters in the real world, but I also think there are things about getting to know someone behind closed doors that bring out real chemistry. I wonder if Isaac and I would have worked had we met by chance.
He turns his head, resting his chin on his shoulder to look at me beside him. “I know why I’m out here, by the way.”
Mimicking his posture, I ask, “Do you?”
“Mm-hmm.” He smiles. “I want you to know, I’m cool with it.”
“With what?”
“This—us—not working out, even if I win.”
“Why do you think that’s what I’m going to say?”
He stands and turns so he’s leaning back against the railing, facing me. “Come on, Fizz. You’ve obviously been holding back.”
I allow this with a nod, studying him. “Why do I sense that you are, too?”
Isaac takes a deep breath and turns his face up to the sky. “About three days after we filmed the first date, I got a text from my high school girlfriend. She’d moved back to the area.”