Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
I can’t put this off anymore.
“I think I need to go back to rehab,” I say.
My brother gently strokes the back of my head. “I think so too.”
“I’m scared, CJ.”
“I know.”
I turn my face into his neck and cry.
“You’re so much braver than I’ll ever be,” he says, hugging me, and there’s no fucking way that’s true. “I’ll be proud of you no matter what, Jake, but I know you can do this. I know you can.”
“Your hand looks broken because of me.”
“It’ll heal.”
“You found me,” I whimper. “I fucking promised you’d never find me like that again.”
“And I promised I’d always be there for you, and I wasn’t. So, let’s give each other a break on this one. Okay?”
I nod in his hold.
“And technically, Felix found you first.”
Felix.
Oh god, Felix.
My heart begins to pound and my pulse roars. I swear I can fucking hear it.
“What happened?” I say urgently, pulling back just enough to stare into my brother’s face. “Is he okay? Fucking tell me he’s okay, CJ! Where is he?”
“He’s okay.” CJ glances at the monitor. “Calm down before that nurse comes in here and yells at me. She’s not as nice as the others.”
“Where. Is. He.”
“He’s here. Jesus. Relax.”
My eyes shoot toward the door. “Where?”
“The waiting room, probably. You couldn’t pay that kid to leave. If he’s not in here with you, he’s camped out there. Riley said he’s made friends with all the nurses. He keeps knitting everyone shit.”
God, I fucking love him.
I actually smile at that and mutter, “It’s crocheting. Not knitting.”
“Whatever. My new scarf is a little small.”
CJ moves back to the chair and sits forward with his elbows resting on his knees, and his eyes keep shifting between me and the monitor, his jaw tensing in time with the bleeps, and I’ve seen my brother anxious a number of times (and mostly all because of me) but he must really hate my nurse.
“Okay,” I tell him.
I rest my head back and breathe slow and deep, and it isn’t long before the little bleeps return to their normal rhythmic pace.
CJ seems to relax a little and puts all his focus back on me. Then he clears his throat.
“What?” I ask, reading him and knowing he has something heavy to say.
“Felix told me he loves you. And I believe him.”
I close my eyes as heat moves beneath my ribs.
I can’t believe I risked never feeling this again. What the fuck was I thinking?
“You let him give you that?”
I open my eyes and watch CJ gesture at my arm.
Looking down at my ink, I nod.
“You’re scared of needles,” he muses.
“It’s important to me. To us.” My shoulder jerks. “I’d do it again. I’m glad I did it.”
“You love him.”
My brother isn’t asking.
“More than anything,” I say, looking over and meeting his gaze straight on. “More than myself, and I know I shouldn’t, so don’t give me a fucking lecture about it. There’s nothing I can do. I’ll never change how I feel.”
“Is he the reason you’re going to rehab?”
“He’s part of it. I know I need to be there.”
CJ solemnly nods his head.
“I need you to tell me what happened,” I say. “And then go get Felix for me. I need to see him.”
My brother folds his hands together in front of him and stares at the side of the bed.
And I try to brace myself for this, knowing what I’ve done in the past and how bad it was before, but it wasn’t only my brother who found me this time, was it?
How do I prepare for the worst possible thing?
“He knew where you’d go,” CJ begins, and I know he means Felix. “I called him after Reed told me what happened. I was hoping you were with him. Felix mentioned the meeting you’d gone to with that… fuckin’ piece of shit I should’ve killed. Anyway. Your boyfriend almost got himself arrested for stealing a delivery truck. But yeah. He got to you first.”
My drug-diluted mind takes forever to comprehend that information, but when it does—
I slowly lift my head and grate, “He did what.”
CJ nods, meeting my stare and laughing quietly. “No shit. His excuse was he didn’t have a car, and he was trying to save your life, so we gave him a pass. Luckily you ordered that mattress from the most understanding delivery company in the state. They didn’t press charges once they heard what happened.”
“Jesus.” I wipe the remaining wetness from my eyes. “Okay. Then what.”
“I don’t know, Jake. I got there, saw you, saw that fucking dealer, and then it’s all a little fuzzy.”
My brother cracks his neck.
“But Felix saved your life. I really believe that. The paramedics gave you that shit they give everyone who ODs, but I don’t know if you’d be here if Felix hadn’t gotten to you first. He made you throw up, and I’m not sure I would’ve thought of that. I was scared, and seeing you like that… I just held you. I couldn’t do much else.”