Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
“But maybe we’ll be different,” I say. I sound broken. “Maybe we’ll make each other better and not worse.”
“Do you really want to risk your sobriety for a maybe?”
I expect to hear myself scream yes and to get in his face and argue back because I want this too badly, and I’m surprised when I don’t. I give up on this wish so easily.
I guess deep down I know Dean’s right. I’ve probably always known this stupid truth. I just needed to hear him say it.
Maria calls us inside for breakfast.
Dean stands, but I don’t move. And when he puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes, I have to blink the tears away.
“Come on,” he says.
I follow him inside.
WHO INVITED COPS TO THE PARTY?
JAKE
SHOWER SESSION STARING my right hand while thinking about Felix: 1
Me: 0
Look. I’m not perfect.
Scrubbing a towel over my wet hair, I step into the bedroom and catch my phone lighting up on the bed.
After shutting the door, I cross the room and open up the text from Felix.
good morning
My brow furrows the longer I wait. That’s it?
are you ok
yes why
no :)
no selfie
no random fact
just a good morning? that’s not like you
I’d point out that a certain heart emoji is also missing, but after last night, it’s probably a good idea if he doesn’t do that anymore.
oh sorry
:)
7% of adults believe chocolate comes from brown cows
fucking idiots
are you sure you’re ok
idk
yes
I don’t know or yes
honestly i’m not ok
i’m pissed about this stupid “no dating” rule
dean said we both should have years of sobriety behind us before we get together and i know he’s right but what the fuck jake
i can’t stop thinking about u or last night
and i don’t want to send a selfie right now cuz i don’t like how i look
sorry
I sit on the edge of the bed and stare down at the phone. I reread his texts.
Well, this fucking sucks.
Not just the situation, because yeah, I get him being pissed about that. The whole thing is shitty.
Felix has no idea how angry I was reading those guidelines the other night. It’s like someone saying “Yeah. You’re doing a great job with your sobriety and everything, but fuck you for wanting someone after messing up so badly. For thinking you deserve someone. You’re still too much of a loser and we know you’ll screw it up. Stay alone and sober, prick.”
It’s frustrating as hell. It’s enough to drive anyone back to their addiction.
I also hate how this is affecting Felix.
I don’t want him sad, if that’s what he is. I’m assuming he might be if he doesn’t want to send me a picture of himself today.
And shit, what if this stupid rule causes tension between us that fucks with our friendship?
What if he bails on me because he can’t be around me anymore?
r u mad
not at you
i’m sorry i told dean. i just wanted his advice
I’m not mad about that
are you going to be ok with us not dating
kinda have to be
Felix don’t stop talking to me because of this. Please
My fucking hands begin to shake.
I’d never do that jake
I’m about to respond with an elated thank you and maybe a stupid smiley face of my own (which I don’t think are stupid at all, coming from Felix) when the door swings open after the quickest knock and CJ barges into the room.
“Jesus,” I grunt, glancing at my boxers. That’s all I’m wearing. “I could’ve been naked in here. Can’t you fucking wait for a come in? My junk could’ve been out.”
He crowds me where I’m sitting, pulling his arms across his giant chest and looming over me. He practically snarls.
Ah shit. I know that look.
“Wanna explain to me why a buddy of mine got called to Shuckey’s last night ‘cuz some fight broke out, and your name was mentioned?”
I cock my head. “Any chance you’ll believe this is a wild coincidence?”
“No.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure Jake is a common name.”
“Tully. Some guy kept saying Jake Tully.”
“Of fucking course. What a little bitch,” I mumble under my breath.
“Jake.”
“This guy I work with was running his mouth, all right?”
I drop the phone beside me and finish drying off my hair before tossing the towel across the room into the hamper.
“One of the guys you went out with?”
“No. This fucking racist homophobic dickhead, Jason. He was there too and started shit.”
“Why?”
“I don’t fucking know! He’s got a problem with me.”
“So, you ignore him.” CJ’s voice grows louder to match my own. “Don’t react to shit like that. Come on, Jake. You don’t need to be getting into fights.”
“He put his hands on Felix. I’m not ignoring that.”
CJ’s brow lifts, some of that anger fading away. “Is he all right?”
“Yeah. You think I’d let something actually happen to him?”
“Why did he go after Felix?”
I don’t hesitate to share the rest of this with my brother. There’s no reason to.