Total pages in book: 98
Estimated words: 96833 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 484(@200wpm)___ 387(@250wpm)___ 323(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96833 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 484(@200wpm)___ 387(@250wpm)___ 323(@300wpm)
“It went well, actually. But I’m not sure it’s worth pursuing anything. I don’t love the idea of dating a coworker. And it feels sort of deceptive going out with someone and not divulging the very important fact that I’m pregnant.” She expelled a long breath. “So I’m not sure how to handle things.”
“He hasn’t asked you out again?”
“Oh, he has. More than once. I’ve just been putting him off.”
Grinding my teeth, I nodded, feeling selfish relief about her hesitation.
Then she changed the subject. “I told my sister today—about the pregnancy.”
“You never talk about your sister.”
“We’re not that close. She’s older by five years, very judgmental, and doesn’t always understand me. As expected, she had a lot to say about my decision to be a surrogate.”
I didn’t like that at all. “What did she say?”
“She doesn’t understand why I wanted to do this—sort of like you in the beginning. Except it’s already happened. So her judging me at this point is not helpful.”
“Well, I’m sorry your decision is causing strife between you and her.”
“There would be strife anyway, no matter the situation. That’s the kind of relationship we have.” She paused. “Things got worse when my mother was sick.”
“How so?”
“To make a long story short, she and I disagreed on many things toward the end. Mom was already doing poorly and didn’t want to try this last-ditch experimental treatment the doctors suggested. I supported my mother’s wishes. Claire didn’t. She felt I was encouraging my mother to give up. And she continued to say nasty things to me after my mother passed, blaming me for not convincing her to take those drugs.”
That struck a chord with me. There was nothing worse than having to make difficult decisions toward the end of a loved one’s life. “I’m very sorry, Abby. That’s horrible of your sister to make you feel guilty about something that’s not your fault.”
“Things were bad between us before then, but they’ve never really recovered.”
“Ultimately, it was your mother’s right to decide how she wanted to live her last days. You were merely supporting her.”
“That’s how I felt. And I also had to follow my gut, which told me everything they’d tried up until that point had only made her sicker and sicker. I couldn’t stand by and let them take away the last quality of life she had.”
That gave me déjà vu. As much as I avoided talking about Britney with Abby, I couldn’t stop myself. “We went through a similar thing—turning down a last-ditch offering of more chemicals.” I shuddered at the memory. “Britney, her parents, and I thankfully were in agreement that she’d had enough. I can’t imagine how much more difficult it would’ve been if there had been discord among us.”
She nodded. “I’m glad you didn’t have to go through that.”
After a minute, Abby pointed to a large stone at the side of the road. “Want to sit here?”
“Are you getting tired?”
“Not really,” she said. “I just think it would be nice to sit for a bit.”
I held out my hand, and after she sat, I took the spot next to her on the rock.
“Our house is on the water back home,” she explained. “I love sitting out and listening to the sounds of the bay and looking up at the sky like this.”
The sky was littered with stars tonight. We both gazed upward.
“Are you thinking about her right now?” she asked, intuitive as ever.
“It’s hard to look up at a sky full of stars and not think about her.” My throat felt heavy as I exhaled, my emotional walls slowly melting away. “I often wonder what she is now. What form. Whether she can see me. Whether she’s an angel, or perhaps a star in the sky. It’s hard not knowing whether she’s okay. That’s all I really need to know. I feel like if I knew that, I’d be able to breathe again.”
Abby rested her hand on my knee. “We’re forced into blind faith. But it’s hard to maintain it when you’ve been let down in life. Everyone says people who die are in a better place. It’s what we want to believe, what we have to believe. But the only certain thing is that we aren’t meant to know.”
“Well, thank you for not bullshitting me like everyone else.”
She chuckled. “That said, I’m choosing to believe Britney’s in a good place and still with you. The same with my mom. I feel her with me.”
As she continued to look up at the sky, my gaze moved from the stars to her beautiful profile. Abby didn’t ask for much, just my company and my honesty. I felt compelled to deliver, even if I might regret it later. “I like you more than I should,” I admitted.
She turned, her eyes wide. “I like you, too.”
I returned my attention to the sky. “I nearly fired Sean the other day, by the way.”