Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 95147 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 476(@200wpm)___ 381(@250wpm)___ 317(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95147 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 476(@200wpm)___ 381(@250wpm)___ 317(@300wpm)
He had to hold me for a few seconds after pulling out because my limbs had forgotten their use, but even just leaning against him made my heart beat faster. “Go get cleaned up; I’ll wait for you here.” He tapped my hip and stepped back out of the way before fixing himself.
My cheeks were aflame as I walked away, this time trying to keep my thighs together so that whatever was leaking out of me didn’t make its way to my ankles. “Damn, you look even better from behind.” I looked back over my shoulder and caught the look in his eyes, and when he made as if to come after me, I squealed and ran away while he chased after me playfully. It was the best start to a great day.
His something to do turned out to be a lovely day on the water on his boat, something I never thought I’d do in this lifetime, seeing as I’m terrified of the ocean. I thought once I told him about my fears that he’d change his mind or, worse yet, make fun of me, but instead, he set about relieving me of my fear.
His method wasn’t exactly conventional, but after the hour spent below deck in his bed, I was half over it. Once we were back on deck, it was a whole other story, though, but surprisingly when he let me hold the wheel while he stood behind me, guiding me, I found that my fear wasn’t so much the water but the lack of control. I have the same fear when it comes to flying. Heaven knows what remedy he’d have for that if he ever finds out.
The day like the night before, was almost magical. I found myself being pampered once again in a way that I never expected and especially not from someone like him. I found myself having moments of disbelief where the things he said and did didn’t seem real.
The way he looks at me, holds me, and whispers sweetly to me seems like it should be for someone else. I was never made to feel like I deserved to be treated in this fashion. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. It was hard in the face of his tender treatment not to recall the derogatory slurs and putdowns I had put up with in the past.
Nothing could’ve convinced me more than the fact we spent more time below deck than above. Once could be a pretense, but every couple of hours? No way. I was as nervous as a schoolgirl each time he looked at me with that special look in his eyes, and if the number of trips we took below deck was anything to go by, he wasn’t lying when he kept complimenting how good I looked in my dress.
I plan to go online as soon as we get home to find this dress in multiple colors because it seems to drive him nuts. I’ve had to save it more than once from him ripping it off me, which, as you can imagine, tickles the hell out of me.
My arm was about to turn black and blue from the number of times I’d had to pinch myself to make sure this wasn’t part of some dream or my overactive imagination. He fed me grapes while I lay with my head on his lap, then kissed the escaped juice away from my lips, and my heart fluttered in my chest.
He held me on his lap; his arms wrapped protectively around me as we looked out over the water, and didn’t once complain that I was too heavy. I realized then that when I’m with him, miraculously, I don’t think about my weight or find myself lacking the way I’d been made to in the past.
I couldn’t help making comparisons between him and my ex, which led to more fear as it seemed impossible that this amazing man, who was a hundred times better than the toad I’d been married to, could actually feel anything for me.
The two men were like night and day, and the funny thing is, my ex can’t compare to Mace in any way, and yet, he was the one who had the most to say about my lack of beauty. Now here’s a man who looks like molded sin and makes love like it’s an art form who can’t keep his hands off me.
By the end of the day, I felt more empowered than I ever have before. Not only because of Mace, but something about the way he’d treated me all day had shown me something about myself. I, more than anyone else, was responsible for my hang-ups about my weight.
I didn’t love myself enough because I didn’t think I deserved it. And why? Because I weigh a bit more than some. I didn’t see the beauty in myself for a long time, but I expected others to see it. It was humbling to realize that I was my own worse enemy. That my hate for my own body, my own self, was reflected in others.