Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 99434 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99434 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
Then I scurried to the car before anyone had a chance to say anything else.
Slamming the door shut, I let out a few panting breaths as I watched the three of them out on the street. I’d never been so glad for tinted windows before.
Ella reached her hands up toward her mother, and Max leaned down to unlatch the little girl and help her out of the stroller. I couldn’t take my eyes off the three of them, even as Al started to pull away from the curb. My neck craned to watch out the back window. We only made it a few car lengths before hitting a line of traffic, so I had plenty of time to study their interaction.
Max finished folding up the stroller, and Ella took one of her hands. Then she spoke to her daughter, who extended her other hand toward Gray. My heart broke watching him struggle with how to react. Holding your daughter’s hand should be the most natural thing in the world. Yet he looked stiff and terrified. After a few heartbeats, he took hold of her little hand. Gray couldn’t stop staring down at his daughter—which I understood completely. After a minute or two, the three of them finally started to walk in the direction of the park.
My car inched forward at a snail’s pace, with a long line of cabs in front of us waiting to make a left turn. Eventually, I no longer had to crane my neck, and the three of them passed us. Gray seemed oblivious that he’d even walked by his own town car.
I stared at their backs as they walked. With tiny little Ella in the middle holding their hands, they looked like any other family walking in New York City. The longer I watched, the more my eyes started to lose focus.
God…a family.
I’m not ready for that.
We’re not ready for that. We’d barely gotten over our own problems and started to move forward. Couples were supposed to go through stages to prepare them for being ready for a family. Even if I’d gotten pregnant, we would have had nine months to warm to the idea.
My eyes began to come into focus as they walked farther up the street, but my vision also started to play tricks on me. While Ella and Gray were crisp in my line of sight, Max began to fade away. A little at a time, I watched the woman turn into a shadow and then completely disappear. Erased from the picture, she vanished. When she came back into focus a few seconds later, I swallowed my breath. I no longer saw Max…she’d been replaced by…me. Staring, the vision seemed so real—Gray and me walking hand in hand with Ella between us.
That’s how it would be, wouldn’t it?
Fade out Max.
Fade in Layla.
I shut my eyes to get rid of the vision, only to realize it wouldn’t go away. I still saw it.
Fade out Max.
Fade in Layla.
***
I shut off my phone during the deposition. It had been difficult to focus the entire morning, and ten minutes into questioning the defendant, I realized I kept staring at my cell, waiting for something to come in from Gray. My client deserved better representation than that, and I needed to throw myself into my work to maintain my sanity today.
It was nearly five o’clock by the time I turned it back on. Messages started to flood in, the majority of them from Gray. Most had been sent within a minute of each other, capturing his stream of thoughts.
Gray: She’s incredible. So smart.
Gray: She didn’t cry.
Gray: I might’ve when I got home.
I smiled sadly at my phone, reading that one.
Gray: You were right. She’s already potty trained.
Gray: No more YouTube diaper videos. Thank God. It felt fucking weird to watch a naked baby.
Gray: She hugged me goodbye.
Gray: I didn’t want to let go.
The time on his texts had a long lapse, then…
Gray: I can’t wait for you to get to know her, too.
I’d never been a big drinker, but in that moment, I wished I kept a bottle of something in my desk. I could use a giant swig to calm my nerves.
Gray’s last text had come in about an hour ago.
Gray: Hope your day was good. Dinner tonight?
I avoided responding to that and instead scanned through my other missed texts. There was one from Quinn, one from a client, and one from Kristen…my half sister. For some odd reason, I chose to open that one, which usually I’d avoid like the plague.
Kristen: Just passed a great little Korean restaurant. Dad’s favorite. We should have dinner there all together. Talk soon!
I heard her chipper voice, even in a text.
My desk had a stack of missed call memos, so I focused on those for a little while. But by six, my phone had started buzzing again, and I really didn’t have to look at the name to know who it would be.