Total pages in book: 8
Estimated words: 6599 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 33(@200wpm)___ 26(@250wpm)___ 22(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 6599 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 33(@200wpm)___ 26(@250wpm)___ 22(@300wpm)
Changing the subject is always the safest bet.
Now. If there is no way for you to avert the conversation away from the question, or a way for you quite literally to run away without answering the fucking question, you will have to resort to risky business ... answering the question with another question. I do not, under any fucking circumstances advise this unless you have absolutely no choice. The walls have to be closing in around you for you to even consider this because it won’t be good. This is a red alert, man down, nine-fucking-one-one kind of situation. If there is one thing that women hate, it’s men not answering their questions. If there is another thing women hate more than that? It’s men answering a question with another fucking question. Look, I honestly don’t have any advice other than to change your name and leave the country if this occurs because you’re finished at this point.
A woman with no answer to her question will become a hell hound, she will make up her own answers to the question, and come to her own final conclusions. You’ll never have a single moments peace ever again. She will use this against you five years later when you forget to put the toilet seat down. Do yourself a favor and fucking think before you speak, you’ll add years onto your life by doing so.
Chapter Three
IF SHE LAUGHS DURING AN ARGUMENT … RUN
* * *
Man, I learned this the hard way on multiple occasions.
Laughter during an argument isn’t your woman realizing that she’s a silly Billy and everything you’re arguing about is her fault. No, my friend, it’s her not being able to believe that you had the audacity to challenge her when she has conjured up concrete proof in her mind that you are in the wrong. This is the moment a woman’s crazy reaches its full peak. She contemplates a lot of dangerous things during this fleeting period of laughter. She wonders where she went wrong in training you to behave so animal like, and she asks God what did she do wrong in life to only attract assholes -- she means you.
—Shut your fucking mouth and walk, or run, away from your impending death—
Engaging in further conversation when your woman has laughed mid-argument is stupid. It’s so fucking stupid that your genetics should detect the danger and be giving you warning signals to back the fuck off because it’s never a good idea to poke an already infuriated bear. Have you ever known anyone to poke a damn bear and survive to tell the tale? Exactly. You will fucking die, and you will die painfully ... or at the very least, you’ll wish you were dead.
Apologizing is out of the window at this point, too. Once she has reached that mid-argument laughter, it is the point of no return. Anything, and everything, you say will be held against you in the court of females. By the end of the evening, her mother will know what you’ve done, so will her sister, her friends ... her friend’s fucking sister will be up to date on your fuck ups, too. You will be on multiple shitlists, and no man in his right mind will attempt to speak on your behalf because he isn’t fucking stupid.
The only thing you can do is get out of her sight, and allow her time to cool down. Depending on the level of crazy she has reached, this could take three to five business days, but to expedite things along I advise you do all of the following:
– Clean the fucking house.
– Be more hands on with the kids, and pets.
– Do the laundry (and do it fucking correctly, she’ll gut you alive if you mix colors).
– Cook the dinner (and clean up after yourself).
– Buy lots of chocolate, or other candy she likes, and leave it within sniffing distance of her.
– Have romance movies constantly on the TV, she might watch one of them and realize she still actually loves you.
And if all of this fails, the only thing I can think of is breaking down and crying like a newborn baby. I have witnessed this work before my very eyes thanks to Alec breaking down like a bitch in front of Keela (I told you I was putting that shit in here, bro). She was instantly confused and forgot that she was angry with him, and her instinct to comfort him took over. Use this chink in a woman’s armor to its full potential.
I’m not saying this will work in your case, but fuck it, you were probably reaching the stage were you wanted to cry anyway, so in the words of that Disney princess whose hair reminds me of Damien, let it fucking go.