Total pages in book: 185
Estimated words: 191421 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 957(@200wpm)___ 766(@250wpm)___ 638(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 191421 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 957(@200wpm)___ 766(@250wpm)___ 638(@300wpm)
And it still remains something that I haven’t been able to figure out or fix.
I still feel trapped at the thought of saying yes.
And sometimes when I think about getting back together with him and him popping the question again, I freeze. I start to panic.
Not going to lie, I also start to panic when I think about having sex with him. Like he so clearly wanted yesterday.
How strange is that. How unfair to Lucas.
And that’s on me.
That’s my problem.
I look up at the dark ceiling and let out a breath. And with that, all my thoughts. “These past two years, they’ve been difficult. For me definitely. But also for you. I… I know that you’ve changed. I-I mean, I saw with my own eyes. All the partying and the girls. But I also know about… your classes, your grades. About soccer. You loved soccer, Lucas. You love soccer. Soccer is your life. You have so many plans. So many things that you want to do, that you always wanted to do when you got out of Bardstown. And you’ve worked so hard for it. Harder than most people. I can’t… You can’t throw that away. You can’t throw something away that you’ve worked your entire life for. Because of what I did.”
God, please let him listen.
This is important.
This is more important than anything else right now. He cannot ruin his life because of me. The guilt would eat me alive.
“So you’ve been talking to him,” he says.
And I tense.
We haven’t talked about him, have we?
We haven’t touched on the topic of his ex-best friend. Not properly at least.
And definitely not about all the things that have changed now, between him and me.
All the new developments and discoveries that I’ve made.
“Is he your friend now?” Lucas asks then.
“Yes,” I whisper.
And it’s so strange that he is. That the guy who used to make me hatesick is someone I’ve come to rely upon.
But what’s even stranger is that it feels like a lie. Calling him a friend.
He feels like so much more to me than just a friend.
Only I don’t know what else I could call him, and if I knew that, I’d tell Lucas.
“Yeah?” Lucas’s tone is hard. “Because from what I remember, you hated him. You couldn’t stand the sight of him. You fucking vandalized his bedroom. Not that he didn’t deserve it, but now you’re telling me you’re friends with him. The guy you kissed by mistake.”
“I know what it sounds like,” I tell him. “But it’s not like that. The only reason we ever started talking was because we care about you. He cares about you. He regrets what happened. Like I did. He made a mistake like me and he’s just trying to fix things. Me too and —”
“Did you mean it?” he cuts me off, not interested in discussing his ex-best friend with me. “What you said last night.”
“What?”
“That you want to get back together.”
My heart slams in my chest.
Slams and slams.
“Look, you’re right,” he says when all I do is breathe quicker than normal like a dork. “The last two years have been hard. You’ve seen most of it. And yeah, I love soccer. And I do realize that if I continue down this path, I might lose it forever. And so I’m willing to… do what you’re trying to do. To fix things. I’m willing to give up parties, girls and everything else that goes with it, and focus on what’s important. Soccer and you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. Because I did miss you. I didn’t lie about that last night.”
“Me too,” I reply. “I didn’t lie about that either.”
A long sigh. “So I’m willing to go back to things as they were. Between us. I’m willing to forgive you.”
He’s willing to forgive me.
Two years.
Two long years I’ve waited to hear those words. I didn’t even think that I’d ever hear them.
That and the fact that he’d take me back.
But before I can react to this statement he continues. “But I want you to stop talking to him.”
“What?”
“If we’re going to try things again, then I need you to cut all ties with him. You’re going to have to shut down this friendship or whatever the fuck you’ve got going on with him.”
“But —”
His sigh is sharp, impatient almost. “I told you, Echo, what you did fucked me up. And if there’s any hope of us working out, he needs to go.”
My breaths are frantic.
My heartbeats, my thoughts.
My words too, and I don’t even know if he can understand me but still I keep going. “But h-he’s your best friend. He’s —”
“He’s not,” he replies in a final sort of voice. “We’re not friends anymore and we won’t ever be.”
“Oh God, Lucas, you can’t,” I say urgently, coming up to my knees on the bed. “You can’t let what happened ruin things between you two. You can’t let me ruin things. You have to believe me when I tell you that it was a big giant mistake. He —”