Total pages in book: 185
Estimated words: 191421 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 957(@200wpm)___ 766(@250wpm)___ 638(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 191421 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 957(@200wpm)___ 766(@250wpm)___ 638(@300wpm)
I don’t remember what I did all day so I’m going to have to take her word for it.
Even so, I reassure her. “I’m okay.”
Now, if only my voice would stop catching in my throat. If only my chest would stop hurting.
If only. If only. If only.
“No, you’re not.”
“Jupiter —”
“You miss him.”
There I go again, wanting to cry. Wanting to bawl and cave under this pressure.
And this time, it’s harder to hold back my tears.
This time, it’s harder to remind myself that it’s a happy day.
“You do, don’t you?” she asks in a gentle voice.
I swallow thickly. “I…”
“And it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours yet.”
No, it hasn’t been.
It’s only been eighteen hours and thirteen minutes since… since everything.
Since that gray motel room. Those gray sheets.
That messy room.
That now seems… cozy. Homey even.
In a way that nothing has felt in the past two years. Or six years even.
Not even my own pink bedroom.
“Listen.” Jupiter leans toward me. “It’s okay if you miss him. It’s okay if you don’t want to do this anymore. If you’ve changed your mind after what happened between you two last night. It’s okay, Echo.”
“I… It’s n-not. It’s… I-I have to do this. I…”
“Why?”
“Because…” I wring my hands in my lap, barely able to breathe now. “Because Lucas is depending on me. He’s… His life. His career. Everything that he’s worked for. It’s all hanging in balance. Because of me. Because I betrayed him. And so it’s up to me, don’t you see? It’s up to me to fix it. Plus everything is falling apart for him right now with his dad being sick. I can’t let him down. I can’t…”
Not to mention, my parents.
This is my chance to win back their trust. To redeem myself in their eyes.
To go back to being their good girl.
“Yeah, see, I thought you’d say something else,” she says.
“What?”
“I thought you’d say that you love him.”
“Of course I do. Of course I…”
“If you do, Echo, then why wasn’t that on your list of things?”
My heart is racing now. My palms are sweaty and shaky.
Much sweatier and shakier than they were only a minute ago.
My breaths are practically fogging the window right now as I say, “N-no, I… It’s… I have to do this, Jupiter, okay? I have to make it all okay. Because I never… I never wanted to come between them. I never wanted to break their friendship. Be the reason why two best friends lose each other, and now they have. Their bond is broken and Lucas is all angry. And he…”
He is all regretful and in pain.
He’s tortured.
About wanting me. About the kiss.
And that’s why I went to him last night. To fix it all.
To make him and myself move on.
To purge this guilt from him and to turn myself into a good girlfriend for my ex-boyfriend.
And now that we have — we have, haven’t we? — I have to go back to Lucas.
Because I still haven’t lost hope. Even after Reign told me that Lucas knows. This teeny-tiny hope that they can be friends again. That I can somehow bring them back to each other.
Look, Reign’s always been alone, all right?
He’s always been misunderstood and judged by people. And I will be damned if he’s judged by Lucas too.
And while fixing Lucas’s downward spiral and winning back my parents’ trust are important to me, I know that this is why I have to go to Lucas. I know Reign would’ve stopped me last night if I’d told him. So I didn’t.
That this is the main reason.
For Reign.
I’m going to give Lucas what he wants so I can somehow convince him to forgive Reign.
Oh, and also love.
I love Lucas.
Do you?
“Echo.” Jupiter grabs both my hands in my lap and squeezes them. “It’s not your responsibility, honey, all right? To fix things. To fix Lucas’s career or his broken heart or his friendship with Reign. You can’t make everything okay. Not when it comes at the price of your own happiness. Your own heart. It’s not fair to you. You have to think about yourself. You have to think about what you want.”
But I can’t think about what I want.
I can’t be selfish.
You can’t be selfish in love. In love, you do things for other people. You sacrifice. You be good.
But God, I don’t want to be good.
For once, I just want to be myself.
No. Stop.
“I…” I close my eyes for a second to focus. “I think I’m gonna go now.”
I can see that she doesn’t want to but after a moment, she does let go of my hands. “Okay. Fine. Just, uh, just call me, okay? I’ll come get you.” Then, “Unless your ex-boyfriend is as possessive and domineering as his best friend. Which I don’t see happening, but still.”
My heart skips a beat. Several beats actually.
Thinking about how Jupiter is right.