Total pages in book: 73
Estimated words: 71768 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 359(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71768 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 359(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
“I am sober!”
“You’re sad. Even when you’re trying to be an adult you’re so off base, I just assume you’re drunk.” I moved past her toward the kids’ rooms.
Past the pain slicing through my chest.
And the look of absolute horror and hurt on her face.
It made me feel better momentarily, to project all the confusion and anger I felt on the inside onto the only person available in that moment.
I was a fixer.
But I couldn’t fix this. I couldn’t fix any of it.
I couldn’t bring them back to life. I couldn’t make Colby into an actual adult. But I could talk to Ben. I could hug him. And rather than fill his head with fairy tales and lies, I could help mold him into the person Monica would want him to be.
Starting fucking now.
FIVE
Colby
I woke up to something fluffy rubbing my face, then startled awake when a rough tongue licked my cheek.
“I’m up, I’m up!” I lifted my arms over my head and stared directly into Stu’s creepy cat eyes. “You.”
Stu lifted his chin as if to say, Yes, me, time to eat!
With a groan I got to my feet and looked around the messy kitchen. I’d fallen asleep on the couch like an idiot. I’d planned on cleaning up from the wake last night, but I’d been so tired that I’d promised myself a quick power nap first.
The power nap had lasted a solid eight hours.
Suddenly my chest tightened as panic seized me—I knew what Rip would say if he came downstairs and saw the mess along with my state of disarray. Could I do nothing right? And why was it still so damn important that I impress him when I knew it was a futile task? His words from last night came back full force as my eyes truly focused on the living room, the kitchen, and the cat.
He’d been so hurtful. So mean. He’d always been annoyed by me, but he’d never been truly mean like that. Worse, it was like he’d reached into my soul and pulled out every single insecurity I’ve ever had and voiced it out loud.
I had no time to focus on his shitty behavior now, though, if I was going to get the mess cleaned up before he came downstairs.
I stumbled over my tossed heels and walked like a zombie toward the cupboard that held the cat food.
With a yawn, I grabbed a scoop and put it in Stu’s bowl, then gave him a pat on the head before the pitter-patter of feet reminded me that I had bigger responsibilities than caring for a cat.
I’d known all along that Monica and Brooks had designated me Ben and Viera’s guardian in their will. What I hadn’t known? That they’d also chosen Rip as a guardian.
And that we legally couldn’t split the kids up. Not that either of us would have wanted to; we weren’t monsters.
Neither of us wanted to move the kids away from their comfort zone after the trauma of losing both parents, and since their house was paid for, it just made sense that Rip and I would move in.
I’d packed everything I owned into two suitcases, while Rip had pulled up with a moving van.
We’d argued over that stupid van before it had even arrived.
He’d wanted to move some of Monica and Brooks’s things out to make room for his own stuff, and I’d told him something like over my dead body. The kids needed familiarity.
Rip, however, didn’t like the clutter.
We finally compromised, with him agreeing to wait a few months before turning the house into his OCD heaven as long as I promised to attempt to be less like myself.
A hot mess who didn’t know how to adult.
I winced as I looked around the kitchen where a lot of the food from the night before still lay on the counter, now completely inedible.
“I want eggs!” Ben announced as he ran down the stairs. “Can you make two?”
“S-sure.” I licked my lips and turned just as Viera stumbled down the stairs with her blue stuffed dragon and blanket, her eyes full of sleep and her dark curly hair spilling over her shoulders onto her Elsa pajamas.
She looked how I felt.
Rough.
“Come here, Viera.” I picked her up and put her on my hip, then opened the fridge door to grab an egg and groaned. Fantastic; the fridge was nearly empty.
I heaved Viera up on my hip again, grabbed the semiheavy carton of eggs, and shoved the fridge closed with my bare foot.
Viera went from having her arms wrapped around my neck to being a complete deadweight as her mouth dropped open in a giant yawn. She rubbed her eyes and rested her head on my shoulder like she was going down for a nap.
“Hold on, Ben.” I winced under her weight.
“I’m so hungry!” He banged his head against the messy granite countertop and came back up with what looked like chocolate sauce in his hair.