Total pages in book: 24
Estimated words: 22480 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 112(@200wpm)___ 90(@250wpm)___ 75(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 22480 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 112(@200wpm)___ 90(@250wpm)___ 75(@300wpm)
8
DEREK
There are pregnant women here. I should have expected it, but it still surprises me how many of them are in one place. Some have partners with them, and a few are alone. Maybe by choice. Maybe not. Either way, I’m glad I’m here with Wynter.
She’s filling out the forms on the tablet they gave her. Her cheeks are pink, and she keeps trying to hide her answers from me. It’s fucking adorable.
I’ve wrestled with this potential pregnancy since I left her apartment last night. I keep telling myself it’s nothing, that there’s no baby. Too many Christmas mornings as a kid with no gifts or celebrations taught me that keeping your expectations low means life doesn’t hurt as much.
Right now, I’m here to support Wynter. She’s the strongest person I know but I figure she might still need a shoulder to cry on after she learns she’s not pregnant. Could be tears of relief or sadness. Damn, I hope it’s not sadness. This is the one thing I can’t fix for her. I can’t give her a baby.
We’ll go out for drinks after this. I’ll tell her she dodged a bullet and that parenthood really isn’t all that great. That getting to watch my son’s first years of life didn’t change me profoundly or fill me with the deepest joy and contentment I’ve ever experienced.
A nurse in bright pink scrubs calls Wynter’s name and she clutches the tablet to her chest. She looks so uncertain as she gets to her feet that I want to wrap an arm around her. But I’m not sure if my touch would be welcome at this point. Not for the first time, I curse myself for not handling the past few weeks differently. I should have come back to Courage and quit on the spot. Never should have tried to figure it all out before I confessed how I feel.
I follow her through the check-in process. I’m braced and waiting for the heartbreak that’s going to crash into her. The eerie calm I feel as I leave for a call washes over me. I reach for it, embracing the quiet. She’ll need me and I will not fail her again.
I turn my back while she changes into the paper gown that’s barely more than a napkin. It leaves little to my imagination as it shows off her curvy silhouette. What I want more than anything is to rip it from her body and spend a few hours exploring her curves again. Why did I let her leave the dress on that night? I should have insisted on seeing every inch of her naked perfection.
When the female doctor enters for the exam, I start to leave but Wynter clutches my hand. So I stand at the top of the bed with her gripping my hand so tightly and stroke her hair.
She settles at my touch, instantly relaxing. Her cheeks are pink but she’s staring up at me with so much trust. Fuck, I didn’t think it would hurt this much, not being able to give her a baby.
After the exam is done, the doctor leaves for her to get dressed.
“I want it,” she murmurs as fabric rustles behind me. Her voice is shaky. “If I’m pregnant, I want the baby. I know maybe you don’t. And that would be OK. I’m strong. I can do this.”
Her words lodge deeper than daggers, tormenting me. Is that what she really thinks of me, that I’m the type of man that would abandon our child? “You are strong. You can do this, but you won’t have to do it alone. I won’t let you.”
“I’m dressed,” she whispers.
When I turn, there are tear tracks on her face and I cross the room in two strides to wrap my arms around her. How could I have fucked this up so badly that she believes I won’t stand by her?
It feels like it takes a century for the doctor to return and congratulate us.
I reach for a nearby chair, using it to steady myself. In my job, I run into the unknown without fear. I train to handle the situations that no one expects but nothing could have prepared me for this. The love of my life is pregnant with my baby. She’s actually carrying my child. It’s like I’m getting a lifetime of empty Christmas mornings back all at once and I’m certain that this gift was worth waiting for. “Are you sure?”
The doctor’s smile falters, “We have programs and pamphlets if you both need counseling. I was under the impression—”
“They said it’d be near impossible. That I couldn’t…” I shake my head. Ten years I tried IVF with my wife, trying to pretend that every failed conception didn’t break me a little. Then I get this lucky with Wynter on our first time together? How the fuck did I win the lottery like this?