Total pages in book: 24
Estimated words: 22480 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 112(@200wpm)___ 90(@250wpm)___ 75(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 22480 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 112(@200wpm)___ 90(@250wpm)___ 75(@300wpm)
“Can I at least come in?” His voice is a quiet plea and I remember him downing the shots of scotch like they would heal his broken heart. Maybe that’s why I relent and open the door wider.
I turn and cross the room, settling on my sofa. My laptop is nearby but the screen is still dark, the tiny device keeping my secrets safe for now. But my body won’t. In a few weeks, everyone will know.
Derek tries to sit on the couch, but I shake my head and gesture silently for him to take the chair across from me. I can’t stand to have him so close to me right now. He smells too good, reminding me of that night and the things he said when I was in his arms.
Since I don’t want to think about those things, I reach for the pizza. It’s my favorite and if this were any other day, that might make me smile. But there’s too much going on in my head right now. “I’m so hungry. I haven’t eaten all day.”
I grab a piece and eat it while he watches me. But I’m indifferent to his gaze. He’s had almost two months to say something and he wants to try to clear the air now.
“I got a job. It’s in another town with another station.”
“I know. You’re moving three hours away. Congrats on your new life.” I work to keep my voice casual as I continue, “I’m glad you’re going. I hope you enjoy your new job.”
I’m not sure what else to say. I don’t want him to stay in Courage when he clearly wants to move on. When I know for certain about the baby, I’ll tell him. But given what he’s gone through already, it would feel cruel to let him know about this possibility. After all, I could be wrong.
He frowns at me. His hair has shifted on his forehead, revealing those little white scars. I’ve always wondered if he got them on the job or somewhere else. “You’re not…we’re…?”
“We were just a fling.” The words feel like I’ve swallowed razor blades, but I refuse to give into the pain right now. I can cry when he’s gone. “I need a drink. Do you want anything?”
He shakes his head, so I cross the kitchen. It’s only a few feet away from the couch but the space is everything I need right now. That’s why I linger a minute longer than necessary. Finally, I call out, “I’ve got water, beer, tea. You sure you don’t want something?”
“Just some answers,” he says.
For the second time today, I mutter a swear word under my breath. I don’t want to do this right now. I don’t want to have a conversation about my feelings or his feelings or anything. I just want him to go away. My socks make a scooching sound as I drag my feet across the carpet. “What answers do you need?”
He’s on the couch now and he gestures toward the computer screen wordlessly. It’s lit up and showing off my earlier searches, right down to the illustration of my little peach.
There’s an expression on Derek’s face I’ve never seen before. He looks like a man caught somewhere between hope and misery, breathless anticipation and deep anguish.
I don’t know how to tell him this, so I just blurt out the words, “I think I’m pregnant.”
“You think or you know?” His voice is ragged.
“Eight tests said it so I’m thinking that there’s a good chance,” I answer and wrap my arms around myself. I’m calling my therapist after this. I’ve avoided her ever since Derek because I didn’t want to talk about him. It just hurts too much and now it looks like our lives are going to be permanently linked.
“Different brands?” His gaze has shifted. He’s staring up at my ceiling. Maybe he’s cataloguing the water stains from the roof that leaks. It doesn’t matter how many times I call the landlord. Something is always leaking in this place.
I finally realize what he’s probably thinking so I rush to reassure him, “We’ll do a paternity test first thing.”
He chuckles like I’ve made a joke. “We both know damn well another man hasn’t touched you.”
“What about you? Has there been anyone?” My heart is beating so loudly that I’m certain he can hear it.
He snaps his gaze from the ceiling to me. “The fuck I’d let that happen.”
My whole body fills with relief. At least, he’s not sleeping with someone else. He doesn’t want me and he’s moving to be hours away but he’s not seeing anyone. Suddenly, I’m tired and want to be alone more than anything. It’s been a long day. “I have an appointment tomorrow. I’ll let you know more then.”
“What time?” Derek barks. When I tell him, he nods. “I’ll pick you up. We’ll go together.”