Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 57201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
So much for staying where I put him…
CHAPTER 9
Jake
I walk back to the living room the minute Katie sees me. I can tell she’s not happy. I shouldn’t have watched.
I’m not thinking that because of Katie either. It’s because my chest is burning from the inside out. Watching her with Lennon, listening to them, hearing how Katie explained why people get married… fuck. It all burns. Every fucking last bit of it. Although, none of it is worse than Lennon’s innocent voice saying I was nicer this time.
God, I’m such a fucking moron. I blamed and resented a child for something that wasn’t even his fault. I blamed my child because I thought he wasn’t mine. How in the hell am I supposed to fix any of this? Is there any way to? Right now, it feels hopeless.
“Jake, I—”
I turn as I hear Katie’s voice and I don’t give her a chance to finish.
“Let me come with the two of you tomorrow, Katie.”
I can see her face lose color, and I don’t miss the tremble that quakes through her body. She’s afraid of me. I can’t say she doesn’t have a reason to be. My head is too fucking messed up. What I do know is that I can’t let my anger lead me in this. I want to be a part of Lennon’s life.
“Jake,” she sighs, and I can already tell that she’s going to say no. Again, I press forward—not giving her the chance to deny me. This is too important.
“I’m not above begging. I want to be a part of Lennon’s life. There’s so much I missed, and I know I was an asshole who said I didn’t want kids, but the thing is…”
“Jake—”
“The thing is, I have a kid. He’s mine, and I want time to get to know him. I want time for him to get to know me. Please, Katie. Let me go with you tomorrow.”
It burns that I have to plead for time with my son—a son that was hidden from me. I’m trying to listen to what Mom said. I’m trying damn hard because I don’t want to hurt Lennon, and he loves his mother. I’m mad at Katie, but the truth is, I don’t want her to hurt anymore either. I just want to move forward.
“I don’t want our son to feel the anger between us, Jake. It’s just...”
“Katie—”
“Honestly, I don’t think I can handle being exposed to it right now. I’m hanging on by a thread here. I just don’t see how this is supposed to work. I think it would be better if we can just continue with you visiting Lennon at your mother’s until we’re sure Lennon can handle the truth.”
“Katie, I’m not going to wait forever for my son to know who I am. The two of us have already lost way too much time, and it’s time that I will never get back with him.”
“Damn it, Jake, you act like this is all my fault when—”
I hold out my hand to stop her response. “I’m not saying that to start a fight or to be a bastard. I’m not saying that I’m not blameless. I am. I’m just saying it because it’s true. I don’t want to waste even more time.”
“I’m not asking you to wait forever. I wouldn’t do that. I just think Lennon needs more time to get to know you before we spring it on him. He’s just a baby, Jake.”
“I realize that, but how is he supposed to get time with me if you don’t let me take part in things?”
“This is a mistake,” she mutters, and hope begins to bubble to the surface.
“I’ll be on my best behavior.”
“Like that’s even possible,” she mumbles under her breath. “You couldn’t even stay on the couch and wait for me.”
“I heard Lennon’s voice and wanted to watch,” I respond with a careless shrug. Really, I wanted to be in there with them, taking part. I wanted to learn how my son handled bedtime. I wanted to watch him. I just…
I just needed to be near him.
“If you make me regret this, Jake Ryan, it’s over. You will only see Lennon at your mother’s.”
“Katie, damn it, cut me some slack here. I get you’re mad I showed up at your wedding—”
“The word you’re looking for is ruined. You ruined my wedding.”
“I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not. It’s past time that we all dealt with this. It’s time to put the secrets and the lies behind us. We have to do that for Lennon because I plan on being a part of his life.”
“There was a time I would have given anything to hear those words out of your lips, Jake. Now, all I can think is that you don’t deserve that chance.”
“You have the same choices before you that I had, Katie. You can hold onto your anger, or push it aside. That way we can focus on giving Lennon the chance to be part of a family he deserves.”