Total pages in book: 141
Estimated words: 129427 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 647(@200wpm)___ 518(@250wpm)___ 431(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129427 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 647(@200wpm)___ 518(@250wpm)___ 431(@300wpm)
If our flight had never been delayed, if I’d just gone to NYU right off the bat, I would never have met him. I wouldn’t be in the predicament I was in right now. That filled me with so much panic, I could barely breathe. One rash decision, and I had really fucked things up for myself this far down the road? How could I ever make a serious choice again, knowing that?
And now I had to make a really big decision.
There was no way I was having this baby. I knew Neil well enough to know that he would want to be a part of its life, whether he’d planned to have another child or not. And while that was admirable, I didn’t want to be tied to him like that. I couldn’t imagine trying to get over loving him while parenting a child together, apart.
And I didn’t want a kid. I didn’t care that people said, “it’s different when they’re yours.” The thought of spending hours on a park bench, watching some grubby toddler play in a sandbox... my skin crawled at the notion. It would be different when it was mine? Yeah, it would be real, and I would be miserable and trapped in a life I’d never wanted. That wasn’t fair for a child, and I wasn’t about to go through what my mother had gone through when she’d chosen to keep me.
Adoption was... not an option. I didn’t want to be pregnant. I really didn’t want to give birth, no thank you very much. I’d have to explain to everyone I knew that I was having a baby and giving it up, and they’d all want to weigh in with their opinions or try to get me to change my mind. Would I have second thoughts every time a well-meaning stranger touched my belly? Maybe a stronger person could withstand all of that, but not me.
Then there was the other really big decision. Did I let Neil go?
He was right. If I turned down this job to be with him, I was making a commitment. It would be stupid of me to see it any other way. No one passed up the opportunity of a lifetime to casually date someone. If I didn’t take the job, I could end up resenting Neil and destroying everything we had together, anyway.
But I couldn’t work for Gabriella. Not when she thought she could freely make ridiculous demands over my personal life.
And yes, fine, I did feel more for Neil than just your usual casual relationship stuff. Holli was right, I was never planning to do the happy-family thing... but if I ever were to do it, it would be with Neil. I didn’t want to break up with him. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. He’d become my closest friend and the only lover I’d ever actually, well... loved.
I picked up the phone then remembered the time. Then I decided I didn’t care. It didn’t matter if Gabriella had some amazing place for me in her amazing company where I would be amazingly successful. She would micromanage my life more than Neil would. And at least I could reason with him and get him to back off.
Maybe that was what a relationship actually was. Just learning to be able to stand the other person and make them happy. What a concept.
When Gabriella answered the phone, she sounded confused. “Sophie Scaife is calling me. At this hour. Which seems odd, because I thought she wanted a job—”
“I don’t want the job.” I blurted. “Not if you think you can tell me what I can and can’t do in my personal life. You, or Jake. It’s never going to happen.”
“You can’t date the owner of a competing publication if you want to work for me. That’s not negotiable.” She said each word carefully, rolling them around her mouth like a fine wine. I could perfectly visualize her facial expression, her big, blue eyes wide in her deceptively kind face.
“I understand. Thank you for the opportunity.” I’d said “Thank you,” and not “fuck you,” right?
“Goodbye, Sophie.”
She hung up, and I sat staring at my phone for a long time. I felt like I hadn’t really lost anything. I was just as unemployed as I had been before the phone call. I was just as pregnant. My boyfriend was just as hospitalized. And possibly not my boyfriend. I had no clue where we would go from here.