Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 87392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 437(@200wpm)___ 350(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 437(@200wpm)___ 350(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
Of course Mitchell Price still had that power over me. Of course I was helpless around him, reduced to this ball of desire and impulse and lack of control.
He was running his palm gently along my arm, trying to relax me.
“Talk to me,” Mitch said when I finally met his stupid, gorgeous eyes again. “Are you not… okay with all of this? Am I a bad kisser?”
I sighed. “Of course I’m okay with it. And you’re a phenomenal kisser. It’s actually unfair how good you are at it. All… sensual and slow and sexy.”
A small grin appeared on his face.
“Yeah, be proud,” I said. I rubbed my palms over my face.
“So what’s the deal?”
I cut a hard glace back at him. “The deal? Are you serious right now, M?”
“What?”
I sat up. “The deal is that it feels like you don’t even know you shattered my world when you kissed me in high school,” I said. “And I feel dumb bringing it up so many years later, but you have to know how hard it was for me to do anything after that. To let anyone in after that.”
He sat up slowly, meeting my eyes. “Wait, what are you saying?”
I shook my head. “I’m saying that you hurt me,” I continued. “Kissing me and never bringing it up again. Then... ending up with Jess and moving away.”
“I figured you thought it was just a silly kiss,” Mitch said.
I puffed out a bitter laugh. “I was in love with you,” I said.
“You know I’ve always loved you too, Ev,” he whispered.
I shook my head. Clearly, he didn’t understand the distinction.
“I always felt so guilty about leaving,” he said, reaching out to grasp my hand in his. “But I had no idea I hurt you that deeply. You… you came and visited Chicago, and we still talked all the time, and you never brought it up.”
“I was a terrified, young gay teenager with a crush on his newly married, straight best friend,” I said.
Realization hardened over Mitch’s face. “Right,” he said.
“Right.”
“I am so fucking sorry, Evan.”
“I forgive you,” I said. “I forgave you a long time ago. It wasn’t your fault. I know you had Jess and Zach and a whole new life. I’m just saying that… there’s a reason I’m terrified now.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I’m so afraid you’re going to do it all over again,” I said. “That one day you’ll be kissing me and the next, you’ll be gone.”
He was silent. I’d never seen Mitch look so devastated before.
“I… I’m…” he trailed off.
“It’s fine. I never should have brought it up—”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Mitch said.
“I know, I just—”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he repeated, leaning in and squeezing me in a tight hug.
Having his arms wrapped around me again felt better than it had any right to. I loved every fucking second of being close to him, even when I was trying to be level-headed.
“Okay,” I whispered.
“I’m making Amberfield my home again,” he said. “I need a home base. I need some sense of stability, not just for me, but for Zach, too.”
“I understand,” I said.
“And honestly, I need to be around you again, too,” he said.
I let out a small laugh.
“I’m not kidding,” he continued. “Evan, I don’t think you realize how much better my entire world is when you’re in it.”
It was amazing that there were so many different ways Mitch could break my heart. Even when he said things like that, my heart broke from how insanely sweet and genuine he was, without even knowing it. The man may as well have up and moved into my heart, setting up residence there forever.
He belonged there more than anybody else did.
“I know I was talking about dating again, but I’m… I’m not ready for that,” Mitch said. “I can barely keep my work and parenting lives straight. I definitely don’t need to be diving into relationships again.”
I tried very hard not to make a joke about him keeping his dating life “straight.” Something inside me knew that Mitch probably wasn’t ready for something like that.
“You’re doing an incredible job, Mitch,” I said softly. I was trying to defuse the situation and calm him down again, but he only squeezed me tighter.
I wasn’t complaining.
“And… I don’t know where it’s coming from, but kissing you, and being around you, just feels so goddamned right lately,” he said.
My heart pounded a little harder in my chest. “It really does, doesn’t it?”
He pulled back, clasping my arms in his hands and staring in my eyes. “Do you feel it too? Just letting ourselves do this… I mean, fuck, Evan, I’ve never even thought about another man before, but with you I feel like I can do anything. It feels so good.”
“Of course this feels good,” I said. “Can I be honest?”
“Fuck yes,” he said.