Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 81597 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 408(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 272(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81597 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 408(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 272(@300wpm)
Exhausted, I sank down onto the couch, resting my elbows on my knees. Mason followed suit, sitting down next to me. “I was getting too close to you,” I confessed, forcing out a deep breath.
“I don’t understand.”
“I didn’t realize just how close until you started acting all weird with me. I didn’t like it. I missed what we had. Missed the late nights watching dumb TV, the food fights, the times we’d just sit and talk about anything and everything.” I shrugged, feeling pathetic and more than a little scared.
“I’m sorry,” Mason said sincerely, wiping his clammy forehead with the back of his hand. “I was just…worried about you.”
“Worried about me? Why the fuck would you be worried about me?”
“That night, the night you came home wasted and everything changed…”
“Yeah, I know. I pissed you off. That’s what I mean, I should’ve just laughed it off till you got over it but instead I worried about it. Couldn’t stop trying to remember what I’d done. I stopped drinking so it wouldn’t happen again. That’s what I didn’t understand. I still don’t. I piss people off all the damn time, so why did it bother me so much? Why did I feel so fucking bad about it? What is it about you that got so deep under my skin that I lost all sense of who I was? You were in my head, Mason. You still are and I…I can’t have that.”
“Why? Talk to me, Ry. Share something with me. Show me who you are.”
“I am talking. At least, I’m trying to.”
“No,” he dismissed, shaking his head. “Your body’s right here but your mind is so far away.”
“You don’t wanna know what goes on in my mind. Trust me.”
“Yes! Yes I do!” he snapped, growing frustrated. His expression softened almost immediately and he reached out and took hold of my hand. My breath caught in my throat from the contact and the muscles in my arm tensed, itching to pull away from him. “I don’t understand it either. I don’t know why I feel so drawn to you, all I know is that I do. When I look into your eyes there’s so much depth, like whatever’s behind them goes on forever. There’s bad stuff there, I know there is, and I find myself wanting to crawl inside and take it all out.”
“You can’t take it out. No one can.”
“How do you know if you won’t try? I can’t take it from you, but I can accept it if you give it to me.”
“Why would you do that? Why is it so important to you?”
“Because you’re important to me.”
“Why?”
“I can’t answer that. Why does anyone fall in love? I could list everything I like about you – that you’re fun, mysterious, compassionate, beautiful… but really it’s because you’re just… more. We have a connection and I know you feel it too.”
“I don’t love you.”
“I don’t expect you to. I’m asking to get to know you, that’s all.”
“You do know me. You lived with me.”
“I know the Ryder everyone else knows, but I want more than that.”
“I can’t do that,” I protested weakly. My breath was coming out in short bursts and my chest tightened. I couldn’t do this anymore. He wanted too much. Huffing in frustration I went to jump up from the couch, but Mason grabbed the top of my arm and I winced.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice sharp with concern.
“Nothing. Just let go of me.”
“Did I hurt you?”
“No. I need you to leave now.”
Mason’s fingers were still wound firmly around my arm despite my protest and when I tried to shrug free I sucked in a gasp from the sting.
“You’re hurt. What happened?” he urged. I ignored him and wrenched my arm free, but he grabbed onto the sleeve of my t-shirt. He forced the material upwards without my permission and I knew the second he saw the mixture of fresh and healing scars because his eyes widened and his jaw dropped. “What are these?”
“They’re none of your fucking business,” I growled.
“You did those, didn’t you?” he asked, his tone laced with tenderness. “Why’d you do that, Ryder?”
“I don’t need or want your pity.”
“And you don’t have it. I don’t pity you, Ryder, I want to help you.”
“You can’t.”
“Let me try.”
“No.”
An uncomfortable silence followed. I refused to look at Mason but I could feel him watching me. I could feel the heat of his gaze on my skin and hear the shallow breaths of panic coming from his mouth.
“That night… you didn’t piss me off,” he said, breaking the unbearable calm. “You…told me something.”
“Yeah?” I sighed, trying to sound disinterested. I just wanted him to leave. I needed to be alone, take myself to bed and cry until my body passed out from exhaustion.
“You told me that you were raped.” Mason’s voice cracked and every nerve in my body trembled as goosebumps mottled my skin.