Total pages in book: 57
Estimated words: 54287 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 271(@200wpm)___ 217(@250wpm)___ 181(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 54287 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 271(@200wpm)___ 217(@250wpm)___ 181(@300wpm)
I lean back in my seat and cross my arms over my chest. “I think Walker’s a good guy, and once you work for him, you become his family.” I grunt the rest of it because I hate hearing the way my voice thickens as I talk about family. “He saw a need for this just like he saw something in each of us when he brought us on the team. I’m not sure what I can do here to help, though. Fuck, I don’t have my shit together for sure.”
Kanan grunts in agreement and turns the other way, letting me know the conversation is over. I think about coming here. When Walker first asked, I said no. There’s no part of me that wanted to come here to work and do therapy, but Zach convinced me I needed to. I know Walker has big ideas and is going to make a success of whatever he does, but I’m not sure what I have to contribute.
I watch as Kanan grits his teeth and flexes his fingers open and closed. I figured since he offered, I’d do the same for him. “What about you? You need to talk?”
He looks at me with shock on his face, and then he chuckles. “Sure, do you want to swap war stories? You want to compare injuries or talk about how we got the short end of the deal?”
And for the second time in two days, I say the one thing that I have to keep reminding myself. “We’re alive.”
Guilt fills his face, and I know exactly what he’s feeling at this moment. I’ve felt it the last two years. And even though therapy has helped some, the survivors' guilt still comes and goes.
He takes in a staggered breath and lets it out slowly. “Yeah… we’re alive.”
We’re both thinking about Randall, our friend that lost his life that day. It could have been either of us, but it wasn’t. We’re still here, and I have to believe there’s a reason for that.
Before I can say anything else, the door opens, and a few of the others come in. Colter and Elias mumble their hellos. Jason is being led into the room by a nurse, and then Daniel is pulling up the rear in his wheelchair with a permanent scowl. They get into their seats, and Dr. Kline walks into the room with a smile on her face. “Hey, everyone. I guess you all are excited about group today. Usually I’m the first one here.”
Everyone grumbles, and because I know the only way we’re going to get this going is if someone opens up, I open my mouth and let it all out. “I saw my best friend's little sister last night. I’m going to see her daughter and parents today.”
“You mean Abby? Zach’s little sister?” Elias asks.
Jealousy flares in my chest even though I have no right, but just hearing another man say her name brings it out of me. Of course, Elias has heard about her. Through the years, both Zach and I have talked about her.
I nod my head at him. “Yeah, Zach’s little sister,” I say even though all the men in the room know that Abby is a grown woman.
Dr. Kline along with everyone else looks at me, and I realize that I need to give more information. “I served with Zach in the Army until we came to, uh, work with Walker. After the, uh, accident, I refused to see his family even though they’re the only real family I’ve ever known.”
Dr. Kline is nodding her head. “That’s good, Davis. I’m sure they’re glad to finally get to see you. Is there a reason you’ve put off the reunion for so long?”
In private therapy, we’ve talked about my history with addiction, so I know she knows about it. And even though the guys know, It’s not anything I want to talk about here in front of everyone, but I know that’s exactly what she wants me to do. I shove my hand through my hair in frustration and grit my teeth. “I was addicted to Vicodin, hydrocodone, anything that could take the pain away. I didn’t want to subject her, her daughter, or her parents to me like that. Hell, I didn’t want to be around me like that.”
I look around the room, and the only one with their head up, looking me in the eye, is Dr. Kline. Even though I want to stop talking, I don’t. “Anyway, Abby came by my apartment yesterday, and she asked me to come see her family today.”
“How does that make you feel?”
I scratch my beard and think about the question. A year ago… hell, six months ago I would have rolled my eyes at that question and refused to answer. But after so much time spent talking about my feelings, I know that this is part of the process. “I feel good. Excited but nervous. Happy to see them again, but I can’t help but feel unworthy. What if I screw it up? What if I fall back into my old habits—”