Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 79155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 396(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 396(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
What was supposed to be the most casual hookup had somehow become the perfect fucking recipe for Kace Tomlin catnip.
Every time I’d teased Nathan about wanting more, I’d expected him to finally get grossed out by me. To reject me. To cast me aside like an unwanted toy. And instead, he kept giving me more than I wanted, in leaps and bounds. And I’d gotten addicted. Somewhere along the line, I’d realized I wanted the unthinkable.
I didn’t just have a crush on Nathan. I wanted him. The unavailable straight guy.
And then the bubble was shattered in an instant with his casual-ass goddamn words.
I toweled off after my shower, scrubbing at my skin. As I was pulling on a pair of shorts, I heard my phone ringing from in my locker and I pulled it open.
I hated that it felt like my chest was deflating when I didn’t see the name Nathan on the screen.
“I’m fucked,” I answered the phone after seeing that it was Callie.
I heard her snort on the other end. “Good fucked or bad fucked?”
“Fucked fucked,” I said, sighing and sitting down on one of the wooden benches in the locker room.
“Lay it on me,” she said.
“I’m being rude. I should at least ask you why you called before I dump all of my stuff on you. How are you, Callie?”
“You’re not going to like my answer to that.”
The corner of my mouth tugged upward, just a little. “You’re already getting me closer to smiling than I have been in two days, so I’d say I’m down for anything you want to tell me.”
“Well, I called to tell you that I had the best night of my life last night,” she said. “But it sounds like you’re doing fucking terribly, so I kind of feel bad about it now.”
“Cal, I can be happy for you even if I’m in my own personal hell right now and I’m jealous as fuck,” I joked. “Tell me everything. You went on a date, right?”
“It was supposed to be a nothing date. Some guy I met on an app, and honestly, he seemed boring from his profile. But from the moment we were in person together… it was fire, Kace. Fucking fire. We clicked, to say the least.”
I raised my eyebrows, cradling my phone near my ear as I tugged on a pair of socks and shoes. “Damn, you don’t usually say that about anyone.”
“Hell, no, I don’t,” she said. “And I’m still going to give it time, just to make sure he isn’t going to suddenly change his tune once I get to know him. But it felt real. It felt easy. In the kind of way dates don’t usually feel easy. We slept together, but we didn’t even have sex. We just slept, next to each other, comfortably.”
My heart ached in my chest. “Confirmed jealous, right here.”
She sighed. “You wouldn’t want this anyway. You’re much more of a five-hot-guys-in-the-hot-tub kind of person than a relationship and commitment guy.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “That’s exactly why I’m fucked.”
She gasped. “No. Do you actually want someone?”
“I think I’m going to puke just saying this, but maybe. And maybe it’s someone I really should not want.”
“One of your teammates?”
“Thank God, no. It’s a straight guy who has a fifteen-year-old daughter.”
“Oh my God, you’re falling for Hot Dad. The guy I met at the party?”
“Yes. And I think the moment I realized that I was in way too deep and falling for him was about ten seconds before he told me that I was just a wild experiment for him.”
“Christ,” she said. “I get it now. You’re fucked fucked.”
“Now you’re with me. Cal, I’ve been checking my online stories every day to see if he’s still watching them or not.”
“And?”
I sighed. “He’s still looking. He better at least be jerking off to my mirror selfie from this morning,” I joked.
She hummed. “I’ve never really heard you talk about someone like this. Even with you-know-who, you were always kind of chill.”
She was referring to my ex, who I’d always had to keep secret.
“I don’t like how it feels,” I said. “I feel like I’ve lost my mind in the course of a couple of days.”
“Welcome to having a crush,” she agreed. “It sucks ass, most of the time.”
“When he’s with me, it feels like he’s right there,” I said. “Like he was made to make me tick, or something.”
“But he doesn’t want a relationship?”
“I don’t even think he wants to admit he’s into a guy,” I said, every word feeling like a nail in a coffin. “I can’t picture him wanting to kiss me in public, let alone ever want more.”
“Kace, after what you’ve been through with your ex, and your family…” Callie started.
I was silent. I knew exactly what she was thinking, and it was the same shit that we’d talked about for hours and hours, over the course of the last few years. I’d told her dozens of times that I was done ever hiding my true self again. That I’d never hide away in the shadows. That I’d rather be lonely than try to tend to relationships where people wanted me to act differently.