Total pages in book: 138
Estimated words: 128260 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 641(@200wpm)___ 513(@250wpm)___ 428(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 128260 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 641(@200wpm)___ 513(@250wpm)___ 428(@300wpm)
“Well, compared to what’s out there,” Abby said, “this is actually very…artistic.”
I turned my gaze back to the screen. I could see what she meant. Most of the scenes were on beautiful beaches or in opulent-looking homes or patios. The people were all good-looking. I scrolled down, looking more closely. Seriously, the women looked like they could be supermodels. Why did they do this? The same reason Carson did, I guess. Didn’t it cause real relationship problems for them too? Both now and later? I shook my head, attempting to clear it. I had a hard time making sense of why people chose this profession. I’d thought the majority didn’t have much of a choice, but looking at this site made me realize I was probably wrong.
When I tried to click on one of the videos, a pop-up box appeared saying that if I wanted to watch the full video, I would need to become a member and spelling out the different membership options.
I glanced at Abby, my heart still beating rapidly, and then typed Carson’s name into the site search bar. Immediately, a page loaded and I let out a tiny gasp. There were stills of Carson actively having sex with different women in multiple screen shots. My brain couldn’t keep up with my eyes as I let out a small, choked noise of distress and Abby squeezed my hand, saying “Let’s turn this off…”
“No, not yet,” I said, my voice sounding very far away to my own ears. I needed to see this. I needed to see the truth of what he did. What he’d done the day after we’d said goodbye.
“Gracie, these are things he did before he even met you,” she said quietly.
“These ones are, Abby, but if I come back here and look next month, there will be a new one, maybe two,” I said miserably.
Abby squeezed my hand. “You won’t do that though right?”
I shook my head. “No, just this once. I just need to remind myself why I can’t contact him. Why I have to let him go.”
She shook her head sadly and we both looked at the photos in silence for a minute.
“Holy hell, sweetie, you were right—he’s hot.”
I looked at her, my lips thinning.
“Sorry, not helpful,” she muttered, looking back at the screen.
As I too forced myself to look back at the images, feeling simultaneously empty and sickened, it registered that the expression on his face was…wrong. It was…it was the same look I had seen on his face in the lobby of the Bellagio when we first met and then again at the bar.
What position did we make our two kids in? Doggy-style? Reverse cowgirl? The Garfield?
I couldn’t even remember the rest of the positions he’d described to shock me that day. What I did remember was the expression on his face when he was with me in bed. And this wasn’t it. He has his mask on in these pictures. But it was little comfort. I felt the vomit rise up my throat, and I slammed my laptop shut, refusing to look at Carson being intimate with other women for one more second.
_________
Carson
Shit, this is gonna suck. I took a deep breath and pulled the door open. Irene, Courtney’s elderly receptionist looked up from her computer screen. “Hey, Carson.” I gave her a wary smile and she smiled back. Well, at least her reaction to me wasn’t calling security like I thought it might be.
“Hey, Irene. Is Courtney in?” I leaned on her desk and she batted her lashes up at me. I usually flirted with her when I came in. I just didn’t have it in me this time.
Irene’s brow furrowed. “She is, hon. Do you have an appointment with her?” She started flipping through her book. “I don’t see—”
“No, Irene, I don’t. I’m actually—”
“Carson.”
I looked up and Courtney was standing in the doorway of her office, in a gray skirt and a light pink blouse, her black hair hanging straight and long down her back, her face expressionless. Shit.
“Courtney, hi.” I walked toward her. “I’m sorry I haven’t called you and I didn’t make an appointment. I just—”
“Carson, come on into my office.”
I followed along behind her, like a kid who had been called to the principal’s office, a kid who knew he was guilty and deserved exactly what he was about to get. After the way things had gone with Tim, I was not hopeful that this meeting would go well. Again, this was gonna suck.
Courtney sat down behind her desk and I took the chair in front of it. Courtney leaned back in her chair, steepling her fingers and studying me quietly. “What happened, Carson?”
I lay my hands on my thighs. “I’m done, Courtney. I’m sorry. I know it wasn’t the professional way to do it. You’ve been good to me and I really do hate that I’m ending things this way between us.”