Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 77490 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 387(@200wpm)___ 310(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77490 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 387(@200wpm)___ 310(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
Gray puts out snacks and turns on a movie, which I do my best to focus on, but my mind repeatedly returns to scenes of my mother and the pastor, my father and the strange woman, the lack of contact from my brother, and images my mind has invented of the entire church congregation throwing rocks at me if I were to dare set foot on church property again.
If it weren’t for my three men, I’d feel completely adrift. Lost.
But these men aren’t in my life on a permanent basis. They’re here with me now, but it won’t always be like this.
I drag myself back to the movie, but then my phone buzzes in my pocket.
My breath catches in my chest when I see it’s a message from my mom. “You told Aaron?!?”
Anger quickly races to the forefront as I text back. “You don’t think he has a right to know?”
No answer.
When I look up from my phone, Gray, Erik, and Brax are all watching me, and I become aware for the first time that my distress is distressing them. They’re not just comforting me because it’s the decent thing to do; they truly care, and somehow that makes me feel worse instead of better.
My phone pings again. “I’ll handle this,” Aaron’s text says. “None of it excuses your behavior.”
“None of you get to criticize me ever again. About anything,” I fire back.
“What have I done?”
“How much time do you have?”
I’ve never spoken to my brother this way. It’s quite possible I’ve never spoken to anyone this way, because I was always taught that it wasn’t my place to speak up.
I feel bad for venting my anger onto him, because I’m not aware that he’s been a hypocrite like our parents, but he has been a part of propping up all the beliefs that have brought me pain. He’s disapproved of my behavior, and he thinks it’s okay to give me orders just because he’s a man and I’m a woman. That’s bad enough.
“Watch yourself, Ava,” comes his reply.
I toss my phone down onto the carpet toward my purse, and it’s with that motion that my tears finally break free from whatever had been holding them back.
My family is in shambles. My life is in shambles, everything except for these three men surrounding me.
My brother is probably going to cut me out of his life, the same way the church cast me out. And my parents? What can I even say to them?
Gray thrusts a box of tissues in front of me as my tears turn to sobs, and I bury my face in my hands.
Big warm hands caress my back, and they only make me cry harder.
I don’t know how long I’m in that state, but when I finally catch my breath, all three of them are still there.
“What can we do?” Erik asks.
“If it was anyone aside from your family causing you this kind of heartache, I’d be tracking them down and kicking their ass,” Brax says, “but I know family issues are complicated.”
“We’ve got you.” This comment from Gray sets off a fresh round of tears.
“How can we help, Ava?” Erik looks bewildered, and I’m sure it must seem strange that the comfort they’re offering only makes me cry harder. I need to explain, even though it all hurts so much.
I draw in a deep breath. “You’re wonderful. All of you. I really appreciate you being with me right now.”
“Of course,” Erik says.
“Of course we’re here for you,” Brax echoes. “Whatever you need.” Gray is nodding along with the both of them, and the little bits of my heart that are still intact start to crack.
Erik draws back, his brow furrowed. “I believe you when you say you want us here with you, but why does it seem like we’re causing you more pain?”
“It’s not your fault, Erik. None of you. And it’s not you causing me pain, but the fact that I’ll have to choose one of you eventually. Probably sooner than later. My family is crumbling, I’ve lost my friends from the church, and soon I’m going to lose two of you. And that would be horrible all by itself, but I can already tell there’s no way I’m going to be able to choose. I was supposed to be dating you all to find out what I want, and I want all of you!”
After staring at me as I blurt out all of my worries, the three men exchange long looks that I can’t read. Maybe some of them are regretting getting involved. Maybe a woman with experience would know her heart and mind better and not be distraught about making a choice. Maybe they’ll decide among them who will let me down easy, though I know deep in my heart that each of them cares about me. They’ve been showing me that every time we’re together, haven’t they?