Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 115263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 576(@200wpm)___ 461(@250wpm)___ 384(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 115263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 576(@200wpm)___ 461(@250wpm)___ 384(@300wpm)
Stepping back out of his grip, I shook my head. “I can’t, Andrew. I have too much going on. I can’t.”
His eyes pinched, hiding the blue from me. “It’s him, isn’t it?”
“It’s not him,” I said quickly. At least, I didn’t think it was him. I didn’t want it to be because of Kevin. Kevin was only my friend, and even though I slept with him, I didn’t want to want a future with him.
Drawing in a deep breath, I gathered my thoughts trying to explain them. “I like you, Andrew. You make me smile, you make me laugh. You’re the kind of caring man that I picture myself being with.” Before I could finish my words, his head shook not wanting to hear them. “I just don’t want to make promises to anyone right now.”
His tongue slicked across his lips and his jaw clenched. I said nothing and let him gather his thoughts. His eyes scanned the room. He paced a small circle, digging his finger through the curls on his head. Then he stopped, took a deep breath and turned to me with a neutral face. “How’s your mom?” he asked, shocking me with the subject change.
I guess he didn’t want to discuss all the reasons I was or wasn’t holding back from committing to him. And even though it was cowardly, neither did I. I wanted to ignore it and pretend the last thirty minutes hadn’t happened and we could continue like we had before I fucked up. My shoulders sagged in relief, and I moved to the couch before answering.
“She’s okay. She had to get stitches and had a minor concussion. They’re keeping her overnight for observation to make sure it was just a weakness that caused her to fall and not anything more serious.”
Andrew sat beside me and rubbed my back, comforting me. “Are you going back tomorrow?”
I laughed remembering my mom’s parting warning to “not skip class, young lady.”
“I will, but after my morning class. She said she’d ground me if she found out I wasn’t going to my classes.”
“She sounds like an awesome mom.” He laughed.
“She’s the best.”
He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to my temple. “Let me get you something to drink.”
My eyes remained glued to my fiddling fingers as I listened to him move around my kitchen. He came back and placed a warm mug of tea in front of me.
I hated tea. It wasn’t even mine. Jessica was the tea lover.
Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I took a small sip, trying to hide my cringe, while I set the cup on the table.
“Let me take you somewhere for spring break,” Andrew suggested.
My shoulders tensed up to my ears. Just when I thought we’d made it out of any dangerous topics. Swallowing my nerves, I tried to avoid the argument I knew was coming. “When?”
“Whenever. Why?”
I looked up at him, biting my lip. His eyes told me he knew there had to be a reason, but I still tried to dance around it. “I have plans the first weekend.”
“Doing what?” His tone hardened, and I heard an accusation he wasn’t willing to toss at me yet. I didn’t answer, just stared at him, hoping he could see my apology for hurting him. I didn’t mean to. His jaw clenched as he realized whatever my plans were, they involved Kevin. “Dammit, Anabelle.”
“I’m sorry. It’s a family vacation, and I wanted to take my mom to the beach for a rest. Our families are close and they invited us along.”
He shook his head at my reasoning. It sounded hollow to me too. “Ana, I want you. I’m willing to wait for you and take what you’re able to give, but I feel like I’m losing a battle I’m not even being allowed to fight.”
Was I not giving him a fair chance? I wanted to want him. I wanted “normal.” But was I really trying? Was I wasting his time by lying to myself? Dammit.
I needed to let him go, the truth clawed at me. He deserved someone who could be with him now. Not someone who dragged him along because she couldn’t commit. He deserved someone normal. Someone not getting off on her perverted desires with her friend who had once abandoned her. I had this amazing man before me, and he was too good for me. Too good for me. The words hurt to even think. He was everything I wanted to have, but I needed to let him go.
Swallowing my tears, I pushed to get the words out. “Andr—” I choked and tried again. “Andrew, maybe this is a mistake. Maybe I’m a mistake. You deserve so much more than me. More than someone who can’t commit. Maybe we should stop—”
“No!” His shout cut me off, making me jump.