Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
“It doesn’t even matter now, Mama. I recall it differently, but the aftermath is the same. He’s gone.”
He didn’t believe her. He did in fact recall a man being at the house that day, and it wasn’t daddy. In fact, someone would’ve had to have called the police while she held him. He surmised that they were both cheating on each other. Regardless, the message remained the same. Perhaps she really was on the phone about a job, and he believed her when she said he tried to go after Tarik. Maybe Mama’s memory was faulty. Maybe she was lying about that detail, and she knew it. Either way, it no longer mattered. Tarik was dead, and she’d suffered, too.
“Well, it matters to me. I have had my share of trauma, too, Legend, I’ll have you know. Life wasn’t easy for ol’ Paula, I tell you that much, so the next time you try ’nd throw the death of your brother in my face, you just remember: I throw it in my own face on a daily basis, and don’t need notta lick of help from you!” Her voice quaked and she sobbed.
He tapped the steering wheel as a song he didn’t recognize aired on the radio. The sound was so low, he could barely make out the melody or lyrics. “Up until today, you never acknowledged what happened, Mama. You always wanted to talk with me about accountability when I’d get locked up for slangin’, and then I’d take it all out on you. All I’m askin’ is that you take your own advice. Never have I heard you discuss my brother’s death in this much detail, until now. Maybe that’s what I needed to get past it, but you’d keep shuttin’ me down. I tell you this much though, I remember a man at the house, and—”
“I wasn’t wit’ no man when it happened! I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was on tha phone callin’ about a job interview. I remember it clear as day, Legend!” She sounded desperate, trying to make him a believer, too. “Tarik’s birthday is coming up. Each time it does, I go to the cemetery to bring flowers ’nd Apple Jolly Ranchers, his favorite candy.” He smiled at that. He never knew she went to his big brother’s grave on his birthday, and he never knew that was Tarik’s favorite candy. He liked Apple Jolly Ranchers, too. “I’m tryna make things right with you, because I love you!”
“You can’t make this right, Mama. Too much has happened.” He sighed, then coughed into a closed fist. “I love you, because you’re my mother. I don’t like you as a person, and that’s what I’m workin’ with. Finally accepting it. That’s what it all boils down to. I don’t like you because I don’t trust you. I don’t trust you, because you proved to me that I couldn’t.”
He glanced at his apartment and thought about going inside, but decided to finish his conversation in the truck.
“I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get my son back.”
“You can’t lose someone you never had.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean?”
“There’s always been distance between us. Tension. A divide. For the majority of my life, Mama, we’ve been at odds. Not all of the reasons were your doing, but the foundation was already laid.”
“If you never give me another dollar, that is for the best. It’s fine with me, just so I can show you that not everything I did was to get money outta you. Or to use you! I know I’ve messed up plenty in my life, and I could have made better choices sometimes when it came to you and Melanie, but I’ve tried my best. Speaking of your sister, the shit hit the fan. Melanie and I got to talkin’, and she got mad and cursed me out a few weeks ago. She’s gettin’ as bad as you. No respect at all!”
“I asked her not to do that, just so you know. What’s going on right here, right now, is between me and you. She can speak on her own situation with you. She’s got some grievances, too. I’m just speakin’ on mine.”
“She made me aware that you didn’t want her to bring it up to me, but she said she couldn’t get past it. It was a horrible conversation. I ain’t never argued with her like this before. It was like you and me fightin’, only it was her face looking me square in the eye. It was a hurtin’ thing. She said she can’t stomach me, knowin’ I knew you was bein’ touched, and I ain’t do nothin’. Lies! She asked me why I didn’t believe you when you told me Luis was… was touchin’ you.”
He waited for her to keep talking, but she drew quiet, as if she’d fallen asleep on the phone.