Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
“I never really thought about it like that, but yeah, it makes sense.”
“They say it’s based on scripture, saying if God forgave us for our sins, then we can forgive others. To me, that don’t make any sense. I wasn’t the one ’round here hurting babies—he was. And me stealin’ a piece of candy out of a store, and God forgiving me for it, ain’t quite the same as me putting my hands on a child’s private parts and making them do the same to me. We gotta use our brains! When something don’t make sense, it just don’t, no matter what a minister or some TV evangelist says. I believe in God, and I believe in logic, too, Legend, and if something ain’t clean in the buttermilk, then I ain’t drinking it, or the Kool-Aid.”
“CHURCH, BABY! I feel that!” They both burst out laughing, and slapped hands. “I say the same thing, Desiree. Like shit, there’s some stuff that went down, and I ain’t forgiving a damn thing! I understand why people say that, you know, but I’m not about to sit here and fake the funk.”
“Right!”
“Like you turn on the news, right? And see people in the courtroom looking at their child’s killer talking about, ‘I hate what you’ve done, you took my baby away from me, but I forgive you.’ Naw, dog!” He shook his head. “I’m not built that way, and I don’t want to be. I’m the type of lowdown, grimy mothafucka that will spit and dance on your fuckin’ grave! Not a lick of respect! Fuck that shit! I will turn on some Boosie, and start dancing all over that stone!” He jumped up, and started to bounce around, dance and rap. ‘Yeah, I know dem people comin’, but I’m still gettin’ money! Still gettin’ money!’”
By this time, Desiree was red in the face and laughing so hard, she could barely catch her breath.
“I’m for real, baby!” he continued. “Folks in the graveyard would be like, ‘What is he doing?! Orville, call the police! Hello… 911? A big White man who thinks he’s Black is desecrating a grave! He’s rapping and dancing like some jungle bunny! Maybe a colored person bit him and gave him rabies! He does smell faintly like fried chicken and watermelon.”
“You are a fool!” She laughed so hard, she almost fell off the couch.
“They’ll look over and see this big ass man, all tatted up, spinning on someone’s R.I.P. like one of them fidget spinners. I’ll break dance on that shit like its 1989! Someone kills somebody I love, I’m turnin’ their grave into a dance floor. Diggin’ them up, beatin’ they ass, stompin’ their bones into dust. Bloodclot! Period! Booyakah! Church!’”
“Exactly! You so damn silly! My stomach is hurtin’! Whew!”
They were both laughing hard now, but it was a mirth born from pain. Cackling and cracking at the seams. When she settled down enough, she was finally able to speak a full sentence without laughing.
“I agree with that so much, Legend. Forgiveness doesn’t equal healing. That’s a lie we’ve been told so evil can still run amuck out in these streets.” Her eyes darkened. “What you do is move on with your life. Use that pain to gain. Not remain in the lane of disdain. The pain will kill you. Not releasing it, holding onto it, letting it rot and fester—that’s what’s bad, not the lack of forgiveness. Then they say, well, the forgiveness is for you, not them, that’s not true, either. If it were, what is understood would never have to be said. That’s it, that’s all.”
She wiped her hands, as if showing she was done with it all.
She was breaking him down, and didn’t even know it. Inside, he was exposed. Raw. Cut. He was bleeding in front of her, the old pain feeling like a fresh lesion.
“I know you told me you don’t really smoke anymore, and only do it when I come by, Desiree, but do you have another ashtray? This one I think has a crack or something in it.”
“Yeah. Hold on.”
She got up, and he instantly missed her. How fulfilled he felt with her sitting across from him like a soft, beautiful ball of energy. Comfort in the flesh. Now that he’d been swimming in her space, not in a school setting, he felt almost depressed when she wasn’t present in the room with him.
I think about her when we’re not in class, or together. I miss her when she’s not around…
He swallowed, ran his hand over his head, and scratched behind his ear. He did all he could to ignore the way his skull throbbed. His heart was punching his ribs, over and over again.
Ms. Florence, you can’t be serious… I don’t want to believe this. I told you I was ready, but damn, you move fast. It all makes sense now…