Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 98487 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 492(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 328(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98487 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 492(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 328(@300wpm)
I meet her gaze. “Mom, you can’t call me a boy and a man in the same sentence.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Yes, I can. I do what I want.”
“It’s true, she does,” Dad says, smiling at me.
I look away, and I want to roll my eyes at the excessive amount of affection from my family, but maybe I need it. I reach for the pills, popping them into my mouth. “Angie called your therapist. She didn’t tell us anything,” Dad promises when I look up at him, terrified. “And they want you to get back on your meds since you know it can take up to fourteen days to kick back in.”
Another reason why I gave up taking them. I didn’t want to wait, figured I could just cope.
Owen clears his throat. “They want you to take the other pills as needed.”
I shake my head. “I’ll be fine. They’re too strong and make me tired. I’ve got things to do.” When they all look at one another, I groan. “What?”
“Maybe you should take a bit of leave?” Mom suggests softly, her eyes blinded by love for me. “Just until everything evens out.”
“Absolutely not. I’ve got a house to take care of, I’m supposed to start volunteering at the autism center, and then the girls have their first meet tomorrow. I can’t miss any of that. I’m fine. Really, I’m fine.”
Owen taps my arms. “It’s okay, Ross. We hear you,” he says, teasing me with a character from Friends. We used to watch it as if it was brand-new when we first moved to South Carolina. “I totally hear you, and I’m down for whatever, but I need you to scale back a bit until, as Mom said, it evens out.”
I shake my head. “You don’t understand. This is an isolated thing. Really. I was good. I was coping and trying not to be crazy. But then one of my boys got accused of sexual harassment, and then my sister’s vagina ripped, and to me, that means she’s dying since she needs a fucking vagina.”
Owen cringes. “Is Shelli’s vagina okay? Oh my God, I never thought I’d ask that.”
“This is your fault,” Dad says, shaking his head at Mom.
“It was a lot!” she exclaims, throwing her hands up. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Well, ya did,” I say, covering my face. “And then I got to the rink, and Jayden was all, I want you on the ice. And I lost it. It was too much at once. All at once. I had structure and everything was under my control, and bam, it all got thrown to shit. In seconds.”
I don’t want to look up to see my family watching me and being scared of the basket case their son and brother has become. Why in the hell am I scared of the ice? I grew up on the fucking thing. It’s stupid; I’m being stupid. “I was overthinking this thing with this girl, and really, guys, it was emotional overload. And I don’t know… I’m sorry.”
“Evan, you have nothing to apologize for,” Dad says calmly. “And we hear you. We didn’t know all that had happened at once.”
“We just thought you cracked,” Owen offers.
“I did, but there were so many factors, and I just got overwhelmed. But now that I have a clear—okay, kind of a clear head,” I correct when they give me a look, “I know I need to talk to Kayla about my block with the ice. And I need to tell Jayden I can’t help until I fix that block. I’ll go back on my meds. But I promise, I have this.”
Dad nods slowly, and Mom is trying to smile supportively, but I know she wants to cry. She hates when I struggle, and she really hates when I downplay a situation. I’m not trying to, but I’m so used to doing it that way. It’s a big deal that I passed out; I’ve never faced that. But also, I didn’t have sex until yesterday!
I’m so damn worried about Callie and how she feels, I don’t think I’m allowing myself to feel. Or my feelings are over the top because I don’t know how to navigate any of that. I have no clue what’s happening. I’m just trying to survive. Trying not to get put in a mental ward, because I worry that’s where my family is about to send me.
“You try to brush everything under the rug and move on so no one thinks you’re weak. And I get it, that’s how you cope. But, baby, you gotta remember you are safe with us. You’re not weak,” Mom reminds me, and Owen nods.
“Strongest dude I know,” he says softly, holding my gaze.
What would I do without this guy in my life?
“Listen, it’s a lot, and I know I haven’t been taking good care of myself. But I promise it won’t happen again.”