Total pages in book: 149
Estimated words: 138217 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 691(@200wpm)___ 553(@250wpm)___ 461(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 138217 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 691(@200wpm)___ 553(@250wpm)___ 461(@300wpm)
“Be warned—bears don’t know the meaning of personal space. But they’ll respect your wish to protect the cubs, and I guarantee you’ll have no surprise cub visitors, even if I have to set up a perimeter alert system to pick up any intrepid runaways. Unlikely any baby would be able to get to the area I’m considering, though.”
His scent in her nose and his heart a solid beat beneath her palm, the warmth of him an embrace, Theo considered his words.
Bears.
She was in a den full of bears.
Strong, dangerous, bears.
With her and Yakov living outside and only coming in for communal things like meals, the risk that she’d be alone with a cub—especially if she took care never to be alone with a cub—was minimal. The same applied to any other more vulnerable members of StoneWater.
She trembled, fear a claw hooked into her gut. “I’m not myself when the rage takes over. I have no intentional control at all.” It was an awful thing to know about herself, but she had to accept and ameliorate the risk even if she could do nothing to stop the episodes.
“Keja told me all of it while you were unconscious,” she shared with Yakov. “About how my grandfather and his team damaged my brain on purpose to make me more malleable . . . but the side effect is rage. I have it, she has it, so do Santo and Janine and any others Keja got out.”
She could see him struggling with her words, but what he said in return stopped her cold. “Can you rig your bracelet to dose you with a drug instead of delivering a shock?” Gritted-out words. “Can’t believe I’m fucking suggesting this, but if that’s what you need to feel safe, that’s what you need.”
Theo’s brain couldn’t process his words. “What?”
“Pchelka, you defaulted to a painful deterrent because your psychopathic grandfather used the same to torture you. There’s no need for you to punish yourself with pain if the intent is to knock you out before you become dangerous.” Wild amber, a rough determination. “Is there a drug that can knock you out without messing with your Psy abilities?”
“I—” She frowned, nodded. “Yes. There is. General pain meds aren’t useful to us because they scramble our abilities while leaving us awake, but one class of heavy-duty narcotics does work for the opposite reason—because it shuts down both body and mind. No aftereffects.”
“Then put that in a bracelet. A dose that’ll knock you out seconds after it senses an oncoming episode. You’ll fall where you stand. No warning. Total shutdown.”
She could see that the idea of her being so helpless devastated him . . . But he loved her enough to give her this thing that to him was terrible. Chest aching, she pressed her forehead to his. “Yes, that will give me peace, let me live close to your clan.” It was the only way she could ever be certain that she wouldn’t hurt anyone during an episode.
“You can still use the original bracelet when you’re away from the den,” he said, his shoulder muscles bunched tight. “As a warning system to get to a safe place before the rage storm hits.”
“No,” she said. “There’s no guarantee that I’ll make it. And Yasha, I’d rather collapse in a public area full of strangers than have even a single more drop of blood on my hands.”
But because his anguish devastated her, she took the idea further. “When I modify the bracelet,” she said, “I’ll insert a chip that links it to your phone. So you’ll know the instant it activates. You can alert my brother to get to me with his teleporter, or send a clanmate to check on me if I’m alone in den territory.”
“Link it to three other people,” Yakov said at once. “Pavel and Pax. Arwen, too. I want you to have backup upon backup.”
She agreed without hesitation. He’d given her what she needed to feel safe. She could give him what he needed to ease his fear of her lying helpless and alone. “It’ll work,” she said, because it was her turn to reassure him.
But Yakov didn’t soften. His expression intent, he said, “Serdtse moyo, while I’ll agree to this for now, I want you to keep an open mind—after you’ve healed and settled, I want to run an experiment where you don’t wear the bracelet.”
He pressed a finger to her lip when she would’ve spoken. “Full safety measures. Controlled monitoring.”
Struggling to do as he’d asked, keep that open mind, Theo said, “Why?”
“Because we’re mated now. It’s possible an episode might not overwhelm you, that the load will be spread over two.” His eyes narrowed. “Or . . . best-case scenario, the rage never actuates again, because my mind will continuously compensate for any fluctuations in yours. Minor corrections so the pressure just never builds up to an episode.”