Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 98207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
When we finish and he collapses on the bed beside me, I curl up in his arms and close my eyes. And then I wait. And wait some more. My breathing is steady and even when he finally slips out from beneath me and covers me over with the blankets.
He grabs some clothes from the dresser before his footsteps move down the hall. I give it a couple of minutes before I go to investigate. And when I find him lying on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, I frown.
“Do you not want me in your bed?” I ask.
My voice startles him, and he glances up at me in confusion. “I do,” he answers. “I want ye in my bed, always.”
“Why are you out here? Is this where you’ve been all week?”
He glances down and blows out a breath. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I thought it was better this way.”
My hands tremble as I wrap them around myself. I don’t expect Ronan to know I’m upset, since he’s not very good at understanding emotions. But he gets up and walks to me, pulling me into his arms and kissing me on the forehead. It’s a gesture so sweet and unexpected, it dissolves the fear right out of my mind.
“I don’t mean to upset you,” he says. “I worry that I might hurt ye. Like last time. I could not live with myself if I did that to you again, Sasha.”
I reach up and stroke the dark circles beneath his eyes with my fingers. “You should have told me, Ronan. You’ve been losing sleep. We could have talked about it.”
“Why?” he asks.
“Because I know that you aren’t going to hurt me. That night, you were on medication. And I shouldn’t have been touching you when you were so out of it. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I hurt you,” he repeats.
“It won’t happen again,” I assure him.
He shakes his head, and I can see this is going to be another battle with him. But it’s one I’m willing to fight. I grab his hand and thread my fingers through his, leading him back down the hall to his bedroom.
“Lay down, please.”
He hesitates, so I climb onto the inside of the bed and pat the space across from me. Eventually he gives in, but it’s only to appease me. He plans to leave again once I fall asleep. Too bad for him, I’ve got plans of my own.
I reach out and run my fingers through his hair, and he closes his eyes. I gently massage his scalp and then work my way to his neck and shoulders. The tension drains from his muscles, and within minutes, he is asleep.
I nestle close enough to feel his warmth but am careful not to touch him anywhere else. And when I close my eyes, I feel safer just knowing he’s there.
***
I wake up to the sound of heavy breathing.
Ronan’s body is rigid against mine, a sure sign he’s in the throes of another night terror. He’s not making a sound, but by the way he’s jerking against me, it’s obvious he’s reliving one of his horrors.
It’s nearly dawn, so I can just make out his features in the early morning light. His face is contorted in pain. And I want it to stop. I don’t want him to live through this agony anymore.
My mistake from last time is still fresh in my mind and makes me consider my next move carefully. I crawl from the bed and stand at the end of it, so there’s enough distance between us if my waking him does trigger a reaction.
“Ronan,” I call out.
He doesn’t stir from his nightmare, so I call out to him again. And on the third time, his eyes snap open and he sits up in bed, drenched in sweat while his eyes dart around the room looking for threats. When they land on me, they fill with confusion and then disappointment.
“Hey.” I walk over to his side and crawl onto his lap. “It’s okay.”
He won’t look at me. His eyes are dark and closed off and far away. He’s angry with himself. I place my palms on his jaw and tilt his face up so he has to meet my gaze.
“Come back to me,” I tell him as I smooth my fingers over his skin in a soothing gesture. “Always come back to me. We can slay those demons together.”
His arms wrap around my waist and he buries his face in my neck, breathing me in. When he speaks, his voice is filled with a conviction that doesn’t leave any room to wonder.
“I’ll always look after ye, Sasha,” he says. “Protect you. You never have to worry about that. Nobody will ever hurt ye again.”
“I know,” I whisper.
And then I kiss him. Because I know he means it.