Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 98207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
He feels me watching him, and his eyes move to mine. They are unguarded and at peace, and it makes me relax too. I worried that after what we shared tonight, he might try to shut me out again. But so far, he seems perfectly content to have me here with him.
Then he gives me one of those small smiles of his. And everything inside of me just melts. Ignoring the book in his hand, I crawl into his lap and kiss him like crazy.
But before we can get too carried away, I pull away and grin back at him like an idiot.
“I’ll be right back,” I tell him.
He watches me as I walk over to his dresser and raid his drawers for a tee shirt before trotting out the bedroom door. I go to the kitchen and grab the pint of Ben and Jerry’s I made Conor buy along with two spoons and head back to the bedroom.
When I sit down on the bed next to Ronan again and he’s looking at me like I’m crazy, so I feel the need to explain.
“I didn’t get to finish my dinner.” I wiggle the container in his direction. “Ever had it?”
He checks the label and shakes his head.
“Oh God, you’ve got to try it,” I insist.
I grab a heaping spoonful for him and try to hand it to him, but he hesitates.
“Do you want to smell it first?” I ask. “I think you’ll like it. Brownies and cookie dough. The best of both worlds.”
“But there’s sugar in it,” he says.
“So?”
“So, sugar is…” his words drift off, and he frowns again.
I’m sensing another hang-up here that has something to do with his childhood.
“Will you try it for me?” I ask.
His eyes move from the ice cream to me, and then he nods. And I learn something new about Ronan. I think that if I phrase just about anything that way, he will probably say yes.
I move the spoon to his mouth and he takes a bite. After a moment, his features morph from curious to something else.
“Good?”
“Aye.” He nods. “Very good.”
He takes the spoon and dips it back into the container, gathering some more. And he looks very much like a child who’s just had their first taste of ice cream.
I feel protective of him, in this moment. And I never want to let anything hurt him again. I know Ronan can handle himself. He can handle anything this life would ever throw at him because he’s already been through hell and back. But watching him experience things for the first time, such simple things, at his age… makes me realize he also needs someone to experience them with.
And it occurs to me that I want that someone to be me. For now and for always.
When he looks up at me with chocolate on his lips, I smile at him. He offers me a smile back. And goddamn, it's a beautiful thing.
I am so incredibly fucked.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Sasha
Over the course of the next week, Ronan and I fall into a sort of pattern. He gets up every morning and goes to work just like any other man with a normal job would.
I don’t know exactly what else his job in the mafia entails, only that he does whatever Crow needs him to. Lately though he’s been taking on more responsibility. I’ve noticed a change in him, even just around Conor and Rory. He gives them instructions- mostly regarding watching over me- with an authority in his tone I’ve never heard before. Ronan’s always been the kind of guy that you didn’t fuck with, mostly because you could tell just by looking at him that you’d be wise not to. But now he’s carrying himself differently. Speaking more. And when he comes home at night, he’s exhausted.
He hasn’t let me leave the house, and when I try to ask about Andrei he gets very tense. So I’ve let the subject stay dead for now. I’ve kept myself occupied by drawing and cooking a lot. Ronan seems to like what I make him, and he’s even stopped sniffing everything before he eats it.
Those little signs of his trust in me mean so much more than he could ever know. It makes me think that maybe we could actually make this work between us. That he could be excited about this baby when I tell him.
But he’s also still holding back a part of himself. I’ve noticed every night after I fall asleep he disappears, and when I wake in the morning, he’s already dressed. It’s happened every night this week, and I’m not really sure what he’s doing.
So when we crawl into bed this evening, I have a plan. Ronan’s handsome face is marred by the dark circles under his eyes, but it still doesn’t stop him from mauling me. He’s getting more comfortable with that too.