Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 84195 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84195 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Oh, and I was trying not to let it bother me that I still hadn’t heard from the theater. I tried to tell myself it didn’t matter, that I didn’t care if I didn’t get the job; or that it had been less than two weeks, and Star had mentioned not being in a rush since the other employee hadn’t left yet. None of that made me feel better. I’d thought the interview went great, that we’d hit it off, and though I’d tried not to, I’d believed I had the job and now was fairly certain I didn’t.
And it sucked donkey balls.
Why was that even a saying? Or maybe it wasn’t, and I was losing my mind.
It was two days before the party, and I had the day off, so I had a sleepover at Clark’s place without having to sneak into his bed in the middle of the night, for a change. I liked it here much better than my own apartment.
Clark and I were in bed after he’d fucked me again—seriously, how had he not known he was such a good top—and I whispered, “Yes.”
“Yes, what?”
“Yes, I would love to accompany you to your mother’s ball.”
A loud laugh burst from his mouth. “You’re such a dork.” He pulled me close and kissed the top of my head. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”
“I want to.”
“That’s weird because even I don’t want to.”
It was my turn to laugh. “But it’s the event of the season! All of the ton will be there!”
“How did we suddenly end up in Regency England or a Disney movie?”
“Because I’m fun like that.”
“I’m glad,” Clark answered.
The truth was… “I’m glad too.” If only because I wanted to spend more time with him, and also, hoping that somehow, I’d discover my thoughts on love and relationships were all wrong.
What in hell had Clark done to me?
“Hey,” he said after a few minutes.
“Hey’s for—”
“Oh my God. Stop being a dork. I thought that was supposed to be my job?”
“You’re a nerd. That’s not the same.”
He chuckled. “Have you heard from the job yet?”
Ugh. Because of course he would ask. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“You still might get it. Don’t stress yourself out. But even if you don’t, there will be more jobs.”
“I know, it’s just…fuck, I didn’t know how much I really wanted this.” And though I’d thought I’d been happy my whole life, lately it felt like I was never able to have what I truly wanted—Clark or this job.
“Yeah, I know.” He sighed, and I wondered if he was thinking about the conversation he’d shared with me the other day about his family’s expanding real-estate business, but then he said, “You’ll get it. I can feel it.”
“Okay,” I replied, rolling my eyes even though he couldn’t see it. That also meant he couldn’t see my smile, because no matter what I tried to pretend, I’d needed to hear that.
The loud knock on my door woke me up early on the day of the party.
I’d hardly stumbled out of bed before it came again, making my heart rate jump and my stomach drop simultaneously. It was silly to think I recognized the sound of a knock, that I knew what the hard, quick succession of bang, bang, bang meant, but I did. After so many years, I really fucking did, and I already felt the need to vomit.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” I called out. One look through the peephole told me my suspicions were correct. Mom stood on the other side of the door with her arms crossed and her face red. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
I unlocked the door and opened it. “Hey, Ma.”
“Shit. I woke you up. I wasn’t even thinking about that. You probably worked last night. I can go and come back.”
“No. Come in.” I wouldn’t be able to sleep now anyway. Even if she left, I’d be worried about her.
She came in and went straight for the couch.
“Want coffee?” I asked her.
“You’re the only thing in this world I’ve gotten right. Everything else is a mess. Everything but you. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”
I started the pot. My apartment was small and open concept, so we could see and hear each other. “That’s not true. I mean, I’m definitely awesome, but you totally deserve me. We’ve always been a team. We’ll always be a team.” When the coffee was ready, I joined her on the couch. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Same old story, just another day.” Mom rested her head on my shoulder. “Why is it so hard to love me?”
I didn’t have an answer for her. I thought she was great. Was she perfect? No. Did she upset me sometimes? Of course. But she had a big heart and knew how to laugh. She’d give the coat off her back in a blizzard if it would help someone else. She kept me when my own dad didn’t want me. “It’s their loss.”