Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 100523 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 503(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100523 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 503(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
A sob rises in my throat. “It is,” I say meekly.
I wish it weren’t. Some days, I think I’m doing better. But then, there are times like now where I’m still living with this blackness inside me. This hardened sadness. This realization that what I had believed to be true for five years was all a lie. I only broke free of the lie a few months ago.
And yet the only way to heal from those lies is to live with the truth. I turn to Elodie and all that emotion rises higher in my throat, fighting to break free. “The month before I found out about his double life?” I say, quietly, needing to share this, even though it’s the most embarrassing part of the story.
She nods.
I forge ahead, past the pain and the shame. “He’d taken me out to dinner. We’d been talking about having kids, Els,” I say, admitting that terrible truth.
She frowns in sympathy.
“He’d wanted to for the last year. I told him I was finally ready. He took me out to dinner to celebrate,” I say, my voice stretched thin with tears that I don’t hold back anymore. “We were going to start trying the next month. I went off the pill and one month later, I discovered he already had two children and another on the way.”
She hauls me in close for a protective embrace, her arms shielding me from all of San Francisco, as the tears fall. “I’m so glad you got out just in time.”
“Me too,” I say softly.
That was so hard to say, but as I head home, I feel a little lighter. Like some of the blackness is vanishing. Like maybe it doesn’t have such a stronghold on me.
I’m glad I voiced it to someone besides Elena. It feels freeing to let that final hard truth out into the universe.
Maybe to start to move beyond it.
I hope.
36
CARTER TIME
Rachel
I’m hooking closed a red lace bra when my phone rings on the bureau in my bedroom. I glance at the screen—it’s Carter.
But he’s not due to pick me up for the party for thirty more minutes. I hope he’s not canceling. All the times that Edward canceled seem to flash before me all at once. My brain races away with worry. But then I talk to those fears before they steal my mental health.
Just because I’ve been hurt in the past doesn’t mean I’ll be hurt in the present. And, even if Carter’s canceling, there’s probably a good reason. Still, I answer the phone with a wary, “Hey, is everything okay?”
Way to show my fears.
“Everything is great. Did you think I was going to cancel?” he asks, busting me like that.
I hem and haw. “Well, not really.”
“Rachel,” he chides. “Trust me. This is good. I’m calling because I’m here now.”
I blink. “Did I get the time wrong? Because Carter time is usually five minutes late, not thirty minutes early.”
“That is true. But in Carter time, something amazing is probably happening thirty minutes before I was supposed to arrive. So I set an alarm for thirty minutes early and I’m really hoping I can walk in on you half-naked or all naked. Please say you’re wearing next to nothing. Pretty fucking please.”
I shiver from the sexy surprise of his early arrival. “Your timing is impeccable,” I say, then stride across my living room, heading toward the door. “I’ll buzz you in.”
Fifteen seconds later, I’ve unhooked the bra so I can answer the door in my panties only, with the red lace bra dangling from my fingers.
He growls, slams the door closed, then cups my cheek and gives me a rough, almost brutal kiss.
The bra falls to the floor.
His mouth has a mission, and his lips are traveling down my neck to my tits. He’s sucking on my nipples while kneading my flesh. When he presses his teeth to the flesh of my right breast, I’m so caught up in the moment that I urge him on. “Mark me.”
His teeth come down on my skin, and I yelp, then shudder. A surge of pleasure rolls through me as he breaks the skin.
The intensity hurts so good that my bones are melting. When I open my eyes, I’m starving for him. “Please fuck me before we go.”
In no time, he takes out a condom, bends me over the couch, and buries himself deep inside me. He palms my right cheek with one hand and slides his other hand up to my breasts, but he doesn’t stop there. He travels to my neck, circling my throat, pressing the pads of his fingers around me.
Like that, he holds me in place, owning my pleasure, making me his. I cry out, coming hard and fast and breathlessly.
In seconds he’s grunting, then shoving deep inside me, finishing on a feral growl. I’m still panting, still sighing while he wraps his arms around me, not wanting him to let go. He stays in me for a few more seconds, sweeping possessive kisses over the back of my neck, murmuring sweet nothings as he caresses me with his mouth. When he pulls out, he says in a sated rasp, “I’m gonna always be early from here on out.”