Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 97426 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 487(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97426 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 487(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
“A fucking son, Alexis. You were hiding my son from me. To top it off, you had someone become my friend. Someone I trusted when I didn’t have trust to spare.
“Kid betrayed that. You two danced all over that. You took away a real relationship when I struggled so hard to have those.”
I close my eyes, feeling like I’ve been punched in the chest. I didn’t see it like that. I never planned for Jenny to get that close. The job and friendship happened on their own.
“Ant, that wasn’t my intention. Jenny worked for Pit before you were hired. Before that, she would find things out about you from a distance for me.
“I didn’t know she would become such a big part of your life. Looking back, I see how my actions have hurt you. Just because they were done out of love doesn’t mean they were done right.”
“Why have her find shit out about me in the first place? You were gone, you didn’t want me.”
“Yes, I did. I still do. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I love you.”
“You have a fucked-up way of showing it.”
“You know what? You’re not hearing a word I’m saying. You’re too in your feelings to hear anything past your own hurt. Nothing I say will make this right because all you see is what I’ve done to you, not why or the true intention.
“I love you, but I’m not going to beg you to hear me or love me back. Shit, at this point, you wouldn’t hear me if I did. I want to love you, Anthony, but you need to deal with your demons before you can see what’s in front of your face.”
“Fuck you, Dr. Phil. If I didn’t need to take your ass on an episode of Maury, I might be able to listen to your bullshit.”
“Oh, grow up. You were more mature at twenty-one.”
“Yo, what the fuck?” Pit walks into the kitchen looking like he just rolled out of bed.
“I’m done here,” Ant grumbles.
“Yeah, I guess I am too.”
* * *
Ox
The thing that burns like a motherfucker is the fact that she’s right. I have so much anger I can’t hear or think about anything she says. My insecurities are louder than her words.
Now it’s up to me to figure out if I want to be this guy or man up like Uncle Blake said. I’ve made a lot of assumptions in all of this, making it all about me. I have a son now and I need to think about him.
“You can’t keep going at her like this,” Pit says as he steps out of the house to join me on the front porch.
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“You’re more than earning your asshole card. Usually, you’re the voice of reason.”
“I’m not feeling reasonable for some strange reason,” I say, my words dripping with sarcasm.
“I get it. You’re pissed. You have a son and you didn’t know why she left. She’s here now, bro, but if you keep this up, she’s going to be gone.”
“And frankly, I wouldn’t give a fuck.”
“Bullshit.”
It is. I know it is the moment I say it. However, I’m still fighting the part of me that knows I need to grow the fuck up and let the past go.
“She was the first person I ever told all my secrets. She’s known about you, our family, and shit I’ve never told another soul. I was crumbling when I met her, so I bled it all out.
“If anyone understands me and my fucked head, it’s her. That’s why that shit tore me apart. She knew and she still left.”
I told her all my secrets but the one that should have made her stay. I never told her I’m the family’s enforcer. Protecting her is the shit I do, but not even he knows this, so I keep that to myself.
“Which means she believed in that threat, bro. If she’s anything like Skittles, she did that shit to protect you. She went to war for someone she loves. It’s how they grew up.
“From what my father-in-law says, his wife taught them all to be that way. When their backs are against a wall and their family is threatened, they’re going to protect their family. You, bro, were her family,” Pit says.
I’m punched in the gut as I remember Alexis once saying similar words. Listen to me. I’m your family now. Nothing else matters to me.
“I’ve been angry all day and it’s giving me a headache and my chest hurts. I can’t live like this. Honestly, I’ve been angry all my life. The last twelve years have just been my boiling point,” I say and sigh.
“Fine, you have a right to your anger. Life took a shit on you and just kept shitting. But that stops here. I’ll say this as many times as you need to hear it.