Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83340 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 333(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83340 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 333(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
“She knows it’s because you love her.” I was out of my element here, talking to a patient’s family member like this, but she needed someone, so I’d be there.
“She does. Still pisses her off.” Another chuckle. “She made some real bad choices for a while, and I stepped in. I was worried about her health because of her heart condition. That was a few years back, though. She’s gotten her life together since then. She’s doing great, but…well, it’s hard for me to let go…? I’m a bit obsessive, but it’s just because I want the best for people I love. I try too hard to take care of them—that’s what Meg says, and by them, she means her.”
Bianca was quiet for a few moments, and I was too. Somehow, I could tell she had more to say, so I waited, letting her sort through her thoughts.
“We got into an argument this morning…a big one. She said I treat her like a child, that I don’t trust her to make her own decisions; that she might not have made the right ones in the past, but that she’s doing better and I invalidate that when I harp on her or question her on what’s best for her. I do that and I know it, think I know what’s best, or think I know what she means. She can tell me one thing, and I’ll assume it’s really the complete opposite.”
Her confession was mine. I heard it in my head, my voice speaking and not hers, my truth matching hers. Our situations weren’t the same, but I did that to Maddy all the time. I got upset at my parents for protecting her, but I did the same. She took the first step by sending me an invitation to Maddy’s Fight, but I decided I knew better than she did, that she didn’t really want me to go, instead of trusting that if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have offered.
And I told myself it was for her, but it wasn’t. It was all because I was scared. Ryder had been right about that—afraid to face my father, afraid to tell myself things could work out because then maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much when they didn’t.
Afraid to believe, truly believe, that Ryder was in my life for good, that he loved me.
“It makes her feel small,” Bianca continued. “What kind of sister does that? I never wanted to… I was only trying to help, but now all I can think about is she could have died today, and she would have done so feeling like I didn’t think she was responsible enough to make her own decisions, that she didn’t know her own heart or mind. And I would have lived the rest of my life knowing I made her feel that way. I’m never going to do that to her again. I’m going to be there when she needs me, but back off when she doesn’t. I’m going to believe in her, and you gave me that chance.”
My chest was starting to feel tight, my heart beating rapidly, my throat almost like it was closing. Jesus, I needed to get this shit taken care of. I needed to make an appointment with a doctor. I needed to take care of myself.
And I needed to trust Maddy.
To trust Ryder.
To tell my father how I felt.
Bianca looked up at me, tears filling her eyes again. “Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.”
“No,” I replied. “Thank you.”
28
Ryder
It felt weird being there without Hutch. I tried to pretend it didn’t, laughed and smiled and chatted people up the way I was supposed to, but it didn’t feel right without him.
Maybe he’d been right all along. Maybe I had no damn business being here.
“Hey, Ryder.” Mads approached. She looked beautiful in a flowing purple dress that almost reached her knees and heels with straps that crisscrossed up her legs. Her gaze darted around, and I knew she was looking for Hutch. I saw the moment it hit her, the clear disappointment in the wrinkles around her eyes and the downward curl of her lips. She’d wanted her brother to be here. She’d maybe needed it.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “He wanted to come, but—”
“Let me guess, he didn’t think it’s what’s best for me?”
I didn’t respond. It felt like a betrayal to Hutch to tell her yes, so I took the easy way out and said, “Mads, this is my friend Luke. Luke, this is Madison Hutchinson.”
“You’re Doc Hutch’s sister. He’s awesome…like, the best. Him and Ryder both.”
I nudged him. Way to lay it on thick.
Mads realized what he was doing and chuckled. “They’re all right.” She winked. “It’s nice to meet you. Ryder told me a lot about you the other day. Seems like you’ve made quite the impression on him.”