Total pages in book: 25
Estimated words: 22364 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 112(@200wpm)___ 89(@250wpm)___ 75(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 22364 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 112(@200wpm)___ 89(@250wpm)___ 75(@300wpm)
My throat tightened and burned as it tried to contain my overwhelming emotions. I couldn’t speak without breaking down. I wanted to cry; to plead my case and throw myself at his feet, but I didn’t want him to see me that way. Richmond made it clear he didn’t want me around, and watching me lose my shit would only downgrade his opinion of me.
So, in the end, I did what he asked of me. I slipped out the front door without a word. I walked to my car, sticky, heartbroken, and confused. I started down the road and made it about a block before I had to pull over because my tears were clouding my vision.
I wailed into my steering wheel, releasing everything I didn’t want Richmond to hear. My heart and soul were shattered. I’d devoted so many years to bettering myself to be good enough for him. I loved him with every piece of myself. But he turned me away.
It was worse now that I had seen paradise before getting kicked out. I’d felt his body against mine. I tasted his tongue. I knew what he sounded like in the throes of passion, and those memories would forever haunt me. Maybe it would have been better to keep my fantasies as they were. Maybe it was better to chase a dream than capture a nightmare.
Chapter Five
Gavin
I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm my nerves. It had been almost two weeks since I last saw Richmond, and now he was sitting in my living room; just a few feet away from my bedroom, where I was trying not to vomit.
He was visiting Wade for dinner (take out, of course; Wade never cooked). I’d originally planned on being gone before he arrived, but that didn’t happen. I tried to tell myself I was just running behind, but I knew it was bullshit. As much as he’d hurt me, and as much as I was sure it would make things worse, I had to see him…just for a moment.
After one final deep breath, I pulled the door open and stepped out of my room. If I didn’t rip off the Band-Aid, I would spend the whole night hidden away and riddled with anxiety. I’d done enough of that over the past two weeks. I had to pull myself together and move on.
Wade was seated on the couch talking into his cell phone. “Sounds great, thanks,” he said before ending the call. “The pizza will be here in twenty,” he added with a look across the room to the recliner.
I followed his gaze and my heart dropped when I saw Richmond sitting there looking as gorgeous as always. The time apart and heartache had done nothing to dull my feelings for him.
I looked away and shuffled towards the front door, hoping to leave undetected, but I had no such luck.
“Hey,” Wade’s voice called out, “Are you sure you don’t want any pizza?”
I kept my eyes laser focused on him when I answered, “No, thanks. I’m going out.”
“I can tell. You’re wearing your ‘fuck me jeans’.” I had a favorite pair of jeans that made my ass look particularly nice. I usually wore them when I went to a bar or club. They usually helped attract some company for the night.
And that was the goal. I had to clear my head. I hoped getting under another man would help me get over Richmond. Maybe if I could distract myself with a meaningless hookup, I could forget about what I really wanted. I could live in the moment and not the memory.
“Do you have your condoms?” Wade asked.
“Yes, Dad,” I snickered, before a stabbing pain hit my chest. His dad was the one I wanted to use the condoms with. Or not, going off of the many fantasies I had where he took me with nothing between us. I instinctively peeked at Richmond and found him staring down at the floor. He still didn’t even want to look at me. He was so close to me, but he may as well have been a hundred miles away.
“And don’t drive drunk,” Wade added. Ordinarily, he was flighty and carefree, but he was also a very good friend, and always looked out for me.
“No worries. I’ve got an Uber coming to pick me up.”
“Okay, then. Have fun. Love you.”
“Love you too.” He and I had gotten in the habit of saying the words to one another any time we parted. At first, it started out as a joke, but it had evolved over time. Though we both deeply meant the words, it wasn’t in a romantic way. It was the purest type of love two best friends could share.
We shared everything, which is why it was so hard to keep what happened between Richmond and me a secret. I wanted to tell Wade. I wanted his sympathy and his jokes to cheer me up. We always helped each other through tough times. But I wouldn’t betray Richmond’s trust. So, when Wade asked about the party and how things went, I just told him things hadn’t worked out the way I hoped. I kept the rest to myself and wallowed in my self-pity.