Total pages in book: 196
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
“Come. Let’s sit. There’s something I need to tell you.”
“Okay, but can we stay out here on the balcony? I like the way the garden looks at night.”
“Sure, whatever you want.” How easy was it to say that now? Why hadn’t I….? No, stop, no looking back, remember?
Once again, she took my hand and led me, this time to one of the chairs on the balcony outside our bedroom.
“You haven’t changed at all, have you.”
“What do you mean?” It was a weird juxtaposition, but it struck me that she had some of what Lyon has. The way she so easily jumped back into being the way we once were without question shows some sort of confidence, doesn’t it? She’s either all in or not at all. Something I never really noticed until now.
“You remind me of Lyon, the female version.”
“Uh-oh, I hope that’s a compliment. He seems a bit scary.”
“He is that, but something he said kinda sounds like something you were always trying to warn me about. He said Hollywood is full of not-so-nice people and that he wouldn’t let his dog live here. In fact, what he said was he wouldn’t even let his dog take a shit here.” That was said during one of his many rants about the perfidy of this place and the industry and culture as a whole.
I was stalling, buying time before I opened this Pandora’s box that could go sideways and blow up in my face. I was not one for airing my dirty laundry, especially when it put me in a bad light. This was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but Lyon was right.
Once my enemies realized that the tide had turned, they were going to want to use my hidden skeletons against me. It was best if I got out ahead of them now before the public flagellations began, and the only person’s opinion I cared about was hers. I think I was just too tired to care about anything else at this point.
“This happened before we met the first time. When I first came out here.” Damn, this was even harder than I thought. She seemed to realize that and sat forward in her chair and reached for my hand.
“Take your time. I’m here.” How could those few innocent words mean so much? Because they came from her, that’s why.
“I went to a party when I first came out here. It was one of those big Hollywood things that only a select few are invited to, and the one who took me was my mentor at the time. I was a bright-eyed starry-eyed kid who believed in all the pomp and circumstance of being a star, and I couldn’t see anything else.” Damn, it’s hard to believe I was ever that young.
“I’d heard stories of what went on at those things, of course, but I didn’t believe any of it. I didn’t believe in the conspiracy theories about this place. They always just seemed to be the jealous ramblings of people who didn’t make the cut, or so I always believed.”
“That night, I was very excited. All the big names in the industry were going to be there, and like I said, my mentor was the one who invited me. I trusted him and put myself entirely in his hands. Come to think of it, so did my mom. We were both taken in by all the promises of fame and fortune and when you want something as badly as I wanted all of that, you overlook even your own conscience and inner warnings.”
“I was young, yes, very young, but even then, I knew I wanted it all, no matter what it took. Of course, I had no idea of the price I would pay or how my greed for fame and fortune would shape my life from that night on.” It has taken me this long to realize and accept that most of what I had become was formed on that fateful night. And because I’d refused to revisit it even in my inner thoughts, it had overpowered and overshadowed my every action. The thing that I thought would make me had, in fact, broken a part of me that I know I will never put back together. There were just some things that, once done, couldn’t be undone.
“Anyway, about that night, it was supposed to be my introduction to the big-name players in the industry. Record execs, label heads, all the bigwigs were going to be there. The biggest names in the industry, people I looked up to and wanted to be.” I can still see and smell that place whenever I let myself remember. I can still feel the way I had that night, young, innocent, eager, and so excited to have finally made it into the big leagues and at a very young age at that.