Total pages in book: 196
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
Those two stay together all day, isolating me to the point that I can’t even enjoy the beauty of this place. What’s worse is there’s nothing to do here, no television, no phone, no exercise machines, nothing.
All I do all day is go for walks around the garden. At least that’s what I did my first few days here, but I’m so hungry and tired I can’t even do that anymore because I have no strength left.
Most of the time, it feels as if I’m losing my mind being alone with my thoughts, and it seems to be worse because of my surroundings. You’d think with all this beauty around me, I’d be more inclined to want to do things, but I can’t bring myself to want to do anything.
I think I’m slowly losing my mind. I can feel it happening, but there’s nothing I can do to stop it, and it’s scary. If I was high, I wouldn’t care, but there’s not so much as a Tylenol in this whole place. Believe me, I looked.
I’ve been alone with my own thoughts for so long that all I think about these days is the past because there’s nothing to look forward to. I never knew what living without hope felt like until now, and the thought of ending it all seems to be all I have to look forward to.
I cried out, broken, and didn’t have the energy for anything but hate anymore. The worst is thinking about all the things I should’ve done differently. All the ways I messed up and knowing that there was no going back just made it all harder.
My stomach growled, and I snapped. There was no point in trying to stay skinny, no point in life, period, so why not eat the crap that she had stocked this place with? I’m sure she has a reason for doing this; only time will tell. Everything she does seems to have a purpose; I just wish I knew why she has it out for me.
I opened the cupboards that were filled with every processed food you could think of and became filled with rage. “You bitch, you just want me to be fat.” There was no one there in the room with me, but I was sure the little bitch could hear me because she was everywhere.
I started pulling out bags from the cupboard and just tearing into them, not really caring what I was stuffing into my face at this point. I vaguely remember making fun of Elena when she gained weight and felt hot tears of anger roll down my cheeks.
So, this is her game. To make me suffer the same way I had made that bitch suffer. I don’t care anymore. I could care less what anyone thinks of me. My life is over anyway; if only I had the courage to end it all.
But each time, I think that there’s still just the tiniest glimmer of hope that things could turn around. There could still be a way back; I just have to find it. But I can’t think; my thoughts are too jumbled and hunger and pain are making me feel confused.
Memories and thoughts are blending into each other, blurring the lines between what’s real and what I imagined. This must be what it feels like to slowly lose your mind. What a vicious bitch.
I heard footsteps behind me but didn’t care to look to see which one of them it was; we hadn’t said a word to each other in days, anyway, and every day ends the same.
I fight not to eat any of this shit; they do the same but at different intervals, and then the three of us end up here anyway. Days have started running into each other until I no longer know what time it is. There’s nothing here to tell us anything about where we are or how long we’re supposed to be here.
You’d think being in a place like this, a marble mansion in the middle of the most beautiful landscape I’ve ever seen would be a virtual paradise, but it’s not. There’s something very wrong with being in this place and feeling the way I do. It’s like someone or something is saying that if I can’t find peace here, then I won’t find it anywhere.
I’m sure it’s all part of some twisted plan but I can’t for the life of me figure out what. Why bring us here amidst all this beauty only to make us suffer? I have one victory though, the thing she wants me to think about I have not thought of even once.
The pain is too raw, too real, each time I think of Ryder and where he might be and what he must be doing with that bitch. It was Noelle who stepped over me to get to the refrigerator, which I saw when I looked up.