Total pages in book: 196
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
I felt more confident now as a sick, mentally challenged woman than that young girl who had given her heart and all so blindly. That fear that always seemed to nip at my heels was no longer there because I had already lived through my worst nightmare. Not that I would wish that hell on anyone, not even my worst enemy, but there’s something to be said for putting down that baggage.
“Did you know I called you that day?” I didn’t have to ask what day he was speaking about.
“No, you did?”
“Yeah, about twenty-thirty times. Even as pissed off as I was at you and as high, when the time came, I couldn’t go through with it, not without talking to you. I had a moment of clarity, I think, and locked myself in the bathroom to call, but you never picked up.”
“I didn’t…. Rachel had my phone. She never said a word to me. Of course, I know why now.”
“I left you messages. I don’t remember what I said, but I’m sure I spoke each time I called. I remember the desperation I felt that day.”
“What would you have done if I had answered?”
“I don’t think I would’ve gone through with it. I think even then, I needed you to save me. The way you always did.”
I wasn’t sure how to feel about this new revelation and didn’t want to take myself down a road of what-ifs. I was trying so hard not to look back, though I knew it was going to take some time for me to get there. This betrayal from my so-called friend was just another knife wound to the kidney to add to all the rest.
I still hadn’t decided yet what I wanted to do with her going forward. As far as I knew, she was still with the FEDs, but I hadn’t heard from her, not once. It’s as if she was never an integral part of my life. The one constant besides Sydney, the one I had trusted to get me through the tough days.
I wasn’t sure if to see myself as stupid, too trusting, or naïve; the verdict was still out on that. I think I was still having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that someone had hated me enough to go to those lengths to hurt me. Because I’d never hurt a soul in my life, I never imagined that anyone could hate me enough to go this far.
“Why do you think this happened to us? I mean, everything happens for a reason, why us? Why this whole fiasco? Other than the fact that your wife is nuts, I mean.”
“Don’t call her that.” He rolled, putting me beneath him on the soft carpet, and my heart tripped in my chest as he leaned over me, looking down at me with that hint of lust and need that I know so well in his eyes.
How is it possible to still love him so much after all the pain and ugliness? I didn’t realize that I’d said the words out loud until he turned his lips into the palm of the hand I’d raised to his cheek and kissed it.
“I don’t know the answer to that, but if it’s anything like I feel, the feeling has never left. It’s just always been there, buried beneath the hell of the last five years. It kills me that we lost so much, and it’s taking everything in me not to go find her and wring her neck. Every time I think about her, I see red, all of them.”
“The anger I feel, not just for myself but for what they put you through, is almost uncontrollable. That’s why I don’t want you to waste another second feeling sorry for her. If the tables were turned, she wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire. I know your heart is soft and beautiful, and I won’t ask you not to feel, but I’m telling you you’re wasting your time on someone who doesn’t deserve it.”
“I know that, but… what’s going to happen to her? What are people going to say about you? About us? She’s a mess, and trust me, I dislike her as much as you do, more even, but she can’t be well mentally. After battling my own demons in that way for so long, I kinda know what she’s going through, how scary it is to be in that dark place with no one around, no one that you want to be anyway.”
“So what do you suggest? Should I go find her and lend her a helping hand?”
“I’m not saying that. I just think that maybe….” I ran my finger down his chest to distract him.
“No, whatever it is, the answer is no. Look at me, stay away from her, don’t think about her, forget she even exists, I will.”