Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 81423 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81423 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Pulling away, I adjusted myself, my dick really fucking mad at me for stopping. “I don’t know how to be friends with you, Remy. I really don’t. I’m already all fucking wrapped up in you. I don’t know how in the hell you do that to me. No one else reaches me like that. I had no business to be as pissed as I was at you, simply because you wouldn’t go to the fucking bar? You said you lose your head with me, and I do the same with you. It’s going to get us both hurt.” I wished he were like everyone else, that I could be casual with him.
He closed his eyes, lashes thick against his creamy skin. “I know,” he replied before opening them. “I knew that before I came, and I didn’t want to admit it. I don’t know how to be friends with you, but I don’t know how to lose you either. It’s been six fucking years, and I still haven’t. I don’t know where we go from here, if anywhere, but I’m trying, Law. I don’t want to do this forever, lie to the world, to myself. I’m so fucking tired and alone, and the only place I could think to come was here. I’m trying to be me, and I’d like… I thought maybe we could hang out with your friends one night if you want. If not, I understand. I know it’s not much, but…”
But it was more than we had before. It was a step. I could read between the lines. I knew what he was saying. That we try, that we take it slow and see what happens. That we figure out this friends thing or where it goes from there. But we both knew the possibility of having our hearts broken was still there too.
Yet…he was trying, something he hadn’t done before. Damned if I didn’t want that.
“If you don’t want it, if you can’t, I’ll understand. I’ll go, but I don’t want to. I let you walk out before, and I don’t want to do that again.”
I’d probably regret it. My heart had never mended from the last time. I’d never let anyone in because of him. I also couldn’t keep him locked out.
Reaching for him, I grabbed his hands. I danced my fingers through his and tickled his skin, watching the hair on his arms stand on end. “I’ll kick your ass if you go…and Bear…he’ll be pissed. He’s already mad at you, actually, so you should stay and get back into his good graces. It’ll likely take a lot of groveling.”
He laughed, and just like that, I breathed.
“I can do that. I can grovel.”
“That’s what a good friend would do.”
“I definitely want to be a good friend.”
“How about we have the guys out to my place? A barbecue or something and start there?”
We had never spent time with anyone when we’d been together before. The only people in the world who knew Remy was gay were me, Brittany, and the guys he’d slept with, but it seemed we were both aware that if we hung out with the crew, they would know there had been something between us.
“Okay. Tell me when and where, and I’ll be there.”
“My house, remember?”
He chuckled. “Yeah, right. So I know the where, obviously.”
“Yeah. It might be different this time, ya know? We aren’t the same people. We don’t even know each other anymore, not really.” But that didn’t feel truthful. I always felt like I knew him.
“Are you saying we might drive each other crazy and realize we really hate each other? Or that we really are better as friends?”
“Maybe.” I shrugged.
“Maybe.” He did the same, but I was pretty sure neither of us believed it.
“Come on, lemme finish showing you the park, and then we better go get Bear. We’re a package deal, he and I, so again, lots of groveling and scritches for both of us…maybe a treat or two. That should do it.”
“I can handle that,” Remy said as we started walking again.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Remington
The barbecue at Law’s was set for two weeks out. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind he’d done that for my benefit. That was just the way he was. But to prove to him that I was trying to step out of my comfort zone too, I was making some changes.
I ate either breakfast or lunch at Sunrise Café three days each week. I kept to myself, had my meal, and sometimes brought a book or something to read. I noticed people on their laptops there sometimes. The first time he’d seen me there after our walk, he’d looked startled again, and that had only proven to me that I needed to be there. Fuck, it was a goddamned meal in a restaurant. There was no reason it should have been as big of a deal as it was. My desire to keep to myself had grown more than I’d let myself acknowledge. Like Brit had said, it wasn’t that I never did anything, but it was like pulling teeth to get me out, and most of the time, it was never somewhere I wanted to be.