Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 60852 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 304(@200wpm)___ 243(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60852 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 304(@200wpm)___ 243(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
The thing that scares me about that is that I might feel for Harper the way I used to, and then I’ll be even more confused. I love Janine, I have no doubt about it, but what if I love Harper, too? How the fuck do I choose? Do I walk away from both to save the hurt, or do I just go with what feels right?
At the moment, the thought of losing Janine is crushing.
It’s ripping my soul apart.
I can’t get her out of my head.
“Need a beer,” I mutter, turning and walking inside the house.
One thing is for sure, alcohol might drown out the feelings eating me alive.
For a time, at least.
9 – Janine
TWO WEEKS LATER.
Addison smiles, holding up a glass. “Cheers.”
“Ugh, you are all unfair. I can’t believe I have to sit here and watch you drink,” Ciara mumbles, rubbing a hand over her belly.
“Just think about how good it will taste when you try it again.” Serenity grins, shooting the tequila back before sliding me a shot.
I take it, without hesitation.
The last two weeks have been hell to say the least. Muff is staying at the club, but he comes home each night to see Max and Ebony. Watching him with them absolutely breaks my heart, and the pain I feel cannot be described in words. I miss him, so bad it makes me sick to my stomach. The idea that he is with another woman is nearly enough to destroy me.
He doesn’t talk about her with me, but he does try to talk.
I refuse.
What’s the point?
It won’t change anything.
I have to let this be over, and I have to mourn and try to move on.
“How are you holding up, honey?” Serenity asks, waving down the waitress to bring another round of shots.
“Getting there.” I shrug, even though that’s a damn lie.
“It must be so hard,” Ciara says softly, her eyes gentle. “It’s the worst thing trying to move on from someone you love.”
“Maybe you should get under someone else,” Addi points out, taking another shot when they’re placed down.
“Addison!” Serenity scoffs.
“She has a point.” Ciara shrugs. “It can help to see that there is more out there.”
“I’d need to be a lot drunker for that,” I say, taking another shot.
We drink until the pain subsides just a little and a happy buzz washes over me. I’m a messy drunk, so I know that later, when I’ve had my fun, I’ll be a blubbering mess on the bathroom floor. For now, though, I’m going to enjoy feeling like the world is crashing down around me.
“I’m going to dance,” I say, pushing to my feet, swaying a little, before making my way onto the dance floor.
I don’t see them come in, not right away, because I’m too busy dancing, my hands in the air, my body swaying. A man comes up behind me, offering me an inviting smile. I return it, letting him put his hands on my hips just as my eyes connect with his. Muff is standing by the entrance with Spike and Cade, and his eyes are on me, his face is tight.
He doesn’t get to be jealous, oh no.
This is on him.
I look away, turning to face the stranger I’m dancing with. I put my arms around his neck and ask his name.
“Jacob,” he tells me, his voice husky and low. “What’s yours?”
“Janine.”
“Nice to meet you, Janine.”
His body is against mine, hard and firm, and I want to be turned on. God, I really do, but my heart isn’t in it. I’m the kind of person that can’t just have sex for fun, though I wish I were different. I know I’m not as free spirited as the other girls, and some would probably call me vanilla, but I’ve just never found a way out of my shell.
“It’s okay,” Jacob murmurs into my ear, his hands on my hips as we sway. “I won’t bite, I promise.”
I glance back over at Muff, who is still watching me, his eyes filled with the kind of rage that sparks something inside me. I know it’s petty, but I want him to hurt. I want him to feel even a little of what I do. So, I bring Jacob in closer, and I kiss him. It’s not an amazing kiss, but he responds just how I figure he would. He kisses me back with passion and desire, his tongue dancing with mine.
“Want to go to the bathroom?” he asks, pulling his lips away.
“Yeah,” I answer.
I don’t, because the very thought terrifies me, and yet I find myself being led through the crowd and to the bathroom. The same bathroom Muff fucked me in only weeks ago. Remembering his hands on my body has me pausing, staring at the basin with a longing I know Jacob can’t fill.