Total pages in book: 136
Estimated words: 131789 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131789 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
“I’m a good listener,” she coaxes, telling me in not so many words she can sense the word vomit backing up in my throat like bile. “If there’s anything you want to get off your chest.”
She must have cast some clever spell on me, because it works. Before I can stop myself, a veritable buffet of my repressed bullshit spills out. I’d be embarrassed if I could stop myself long enough to feel anything.
I tell her about all the schools I’d been kicked out of. I tell her about my mom always moving us around, more boyfriends sneaking out of her bedroom in the morning than she had pairs of shoes. All of them out of the picture before they’d even learned my name.
“It taught me to expect people to leave,” I say roughly. “So why bother getting invested, right? Only this time I let myself forget what happens when you let someone get close enough to form attachments.”
“You still like her,” Casey says quietly.
“Lot of difference it makes now.”
“Seems like it makes all the difference.”
Except she wasn’t there. She didn’t hear the way I shut Sloane down and threw everything we’d worked on in her face. It was callous even by my standards.
“I’m pissed they lied,” I say with a sigh. “I was totally blindsided, and I feel…I don’t know. Stupid, I guess.”
Casey wrinkles her forehead. “In what way?”
“Like…” I pause, searching for the words. “I’m the one who always knows everyone’s secrets. Information is power, you know? It gives you all the control. But this was one fucking secret I couldn’t hack. And it’s this big glaring reminder that I’m not in control of a damn thing.”
“Control is just an illusion, RJ.” Her expression softens. “But I get it. It’s not just the lying that hurt you. It makes sense when you really think about it. You find out people’s secrets so you can be prepared going into any situation, right? So you have something you can hurt people with if you need to. And this whole situation showed you there’s secrets out there with the power to hurt you.”
I frown at her. “It annoys me that you’re so perceptive.”
Casey breaks out in a grin. “Sorry. I like analyzing people.”
“Clearly.” I purse my lips. “All right, what else? What’s the rest of the analysis?”
“Of you? I think that’s it. But here’s something you should know about my sister.” Casey’s tone becomes serious. “Sloane hates apologizing when she’s wrong. Half the time she refuses to even admit she’s wrong. So it took a lot for her to send you all those messages.”
My good humor fades. “Maybe. But that doesn’t excuse that she planned to lie to me.”
“Of course not. But for what it’s worth, we don’t know if she would’ve gone through with the lie, anyway. Maybe she would’ve changed her mind and told you. Either way, groveling doesn’t come easy for her. She knows she made a mistake and she’s spent days trying to talk to you. The least you can do is listen.” Casey gives me a pointed look. “You know, the way she listened to you after you messed up?”
“It’s not the same.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No. I just…” I grumble in frustration. “I’m still so pissed. And jealous. Doesn’t matter that I know how pointless that is. I can’t help it.”
“It’s pointless, yeah, but understandable. The question is whether you see any way past it. Are those feelings more important than the people?”
That one simple question is like a punch to the gut. She’s right. Is my anger and jealousy and embarrassment more important to me than Sloane? Those emotions will pass and I’ll be glad to be rid of them. But the people…do I actually want to be rid of the only girl I’ve ever fallen for?
Damn. Casey’s more mature than I think Sloane gives her credit for, but I guess Sloane can’t help seeing her baby sister as someone she has to coddle. Not that anyone could blame her after what they’ve been through together.
“We should’ve gotten to know each other better,” I tell Casey. “You’re a cool chick.”
“Obviously.” She flashes a cocky smile that is eerily reminiscent of her sister. “And look, I’m not about to tell you Fenn can do no wrong. He’s got plenty of screwups to answer for. But he’s not a bad guy. Even if he doesn’t always believe that.”
“Yeah, well, I appreciate the—”
“Before you blow me off…” We stop under a tree, where the dogs plop down in the dirt to take water from a bottle Casey pours out for them. “Fenn’s felt alone for a long time. I know what it means when your mom dies and your whole family falls apart. He’s been lost, and then you came around and he really fell in love with the idea of having a brother. He wanted so badly for you to become friends. It’s meant everything to him.”